boundaries

ADHD, Astral Travel, & Everything In-between

Posted on by Jazmine Lee

Reading time: 8 minutes and 40 seconds

So most know the general things of what people with ADHD deal with, but not the dark and ugly things. One of the symptoms of ADHD that is not talked about is suicide. Oftentimes people go a great deal of their lives being undiagnosed. This can cause issues with confidence and low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and for some isolation. Another issue alongside being undiagnosed that a lot of neurodivergent people face is misdiagnosis. Oftentimes when being evaluated, Doctors will only see the symptoms present of anxiety and depression. These symptoms are often caused by the lack of hormones present that are needed for the brain to function properly. As time goes on lack of these hormones makes it harder for the body to regulate itself. This can show up as a lack of focus, memory issues, motivation, basic hygiene, and interest in hobbies, just to name a few. Naturally, when a doctor hears these things the first thing, they go to is depression or anxiety, but they never address the root issue of the problem.

Story Time

When the root issue is never addressed it can cause people to either attempt to commit suicide because of feeling like a prisoner living in or body, or for some the ideation of suicide as a means of escape. This brings me to my own story of how I have dealt with both suicide attempts as well as ideation. Alongside this, I speak on how after thinking that the issue had been resolved and I was on the road to healing it showed up in unexpected ways.

I have had attempts, ideations, and thoughts of suicide in the past. As time went on life was good, nothing major was taking place that impeded my mental health. Fast forward to the year 2020, it decided to reintroduce itself. I was pregnant with my daughter and had a 4-year-old son. I was in a bad place mentally that only 1-3 people knew about, and even less understood the depths of that pain. I was in the darkest place I have been in, in my life. Having to decide to bring another child earthside and potentially place myself in a position where my son, whom I suspected had autism would not get the full attention he deserved because outside of my mom, I had no major familial support that did not come with a price. So, as I lay in bed where most of my days were spent, I told myself, I cannot go a day longer, if I continue like this, I will end up killing myself. Those words echoed through my mind. As I thought, damn I have been suicide thought/ideation free for about 6 years. Why is this coming up now? Either way, I had to make a tough decision and let my daughter go.

Fast forward again to another dark time in my life, my emotions and mental health were at their worst. I was struggling to get up out of my bed, keep up with my hygiene, and be mentally present overall. The thought crept in once again. This time it took me back to an evaluation I had in January. The psychiatrist asked the big question “Have you tried to commit or have had thoughts of suicide in the past?” To which I replied “Yes.” The psychiatrist responded, so what happened to those thoughts? I said you know I do not know. She said they never went away. I was again free of those thoughts when I just placed them in my back pocket for safekeeping. 6 months later I came across a list of things that both men and women deal with when they have ADHD. “Sadness, anxiety, forgetfulness, depression, suicidal ideation….” Did I think ideation? As I had been seeing that word for months. So, I chose to google it, “suicidal ideation is when there are no attempts, but you often think of it as a means of escape.” I then realized those thoughts never left, they just transformed into something different. Someone would argue it was progress because I went from unsuccessful attempts to thoughts to ideation.

The issue with this was this was not the end of it. Upon recent revelations with a life coach, I realized again, that the ideations had resurfaced but in a new and improved form. Astral travel. I am sure you are wondering how can wanting to take your life be connected to astral travel.

You see, I have been learning since 2020 how to astral travel. Over that course of time, not only did I learn how to navigate my dreams, I learned how to control them so that I was able to come and go as I please. Allowing me to wake up at any moment when I was fed up with the dream. Around the time I was pregnant now that I think about it. Over time I became particularly good at it, to say the least. But it was not until I realized I stopped meditating at night and my sleep was of lesser quality. What hit me was that my reality was too much for my nervous system some days.

Sleep became a source of you guessed it, escapism. So now, what should have been used to help replenish my body, became a source of me energetically running rampant. Causing me to be exhausted in the mornings. So now, I am in a space where my nighttime routine MUST be intentional. I must make it a priority to shut my mind and body down, journal, brain dump, or whatever to prepare my body to rest and recharge. It blew my mind when this revelation came up in the session, simply because I told myself I thought I was breaking out of the escapism cycle, just for it to manifest in other areas of my life.

Now you see the issue with my nighttime routine is when it is not successful it bleeds into the new day ahead. I just recently started medication for my ADHD, even though the doctors only see it as anxiety and depression. So now, my mood has improved, I have been paying more attention to my body and hunger cues, my mood has been steady (for the most part), and I can get more done. But now there still tends to be a smidge of struggle with tasks. Which may or may not be fully normal. Given I have only been on medication for about a week and a few days.

Being on this medication has made me very aware of how badly ADHD/anxiety/depression can heavily affect not only a person’s day-to-day but also their mental health. It also in a sense released a fog that seemed as though it had been in my face for years. It is as though I was here, but I was not here you know. So now that I have these newfound sightings and levels of awareness, I want to use them to spread even more awareness of how ADHD impacts people. Most days ADHD feels like a silent epidemic that is slowly killing people’s spirits. Now that may not be the case for everyone, but there is a major part of the community that it has an impact on. With no one to be a soundboard for the struggles that it is we face. ADHD/Autism and many other neurological disorders have gained traction on social media, specifically TikTok. I can only hope more solutions and groundbreaking information can be discovered and spread.

Resources

Some resources that I personally use that have helped me are going to therapy, thought dumping (which consists of getting all your thoughts on paper), getting a life coach, taking spiritual baths, reading books about ADHD so that I can learn to understand myself better, taking medication, drinking herbal teas, breaking tasks up rather than trying to do everything all at once, having groceries delivered, confiding in someone you trust about the struggles you face.

Down below I will link an e-book that has helped me, along with a book for those who deal with ADHD. I have found both very helpful and insightful when it comes to gaining more knowledge. Some coping skills I have acquired and will explain below are body doubling, utilizing timers and alarms, writing important dates down in both my phone and on a calendar, buying certain foods precut, utilizing apps such as NaturalReader, having music playing during certain activities, on a rare occasion coffee just to name a few.

Tips & Tricks

Now to explain in depth what each one means:

  1. Body doubling refers to having someone present whether it be in the room or on a device such as phone call or video chat. This helps the person trying to complete a task to keep them motivated and also held accountable.
  2. Utilizing alarms and timers. Most people with ADHD deal with something called time blindness where they are not fully aware of time and can tend to get distracted. Having alarms serves as a reminder for the tasks that need to be completed. Whereas a timer helps to keep you on track and if breaks are needed allow the person a visual aid to be aware of how much time of the task is left.
  3. Writing down important dates. Doing this by phone allows me to see at any time when I have something important that is coming up. One setting that iPhones have is you can set it to give a reminder every day, or whenever you choose so that you get notified of it. I also like the idea of it making an alarm sound so that I am aware of what I have going on. As for writing them on Calendars, I love doing this because I am a visual person and on top of seeing it in my phone, having a calendar to look at every day is extremely helpful.
  4. Buying precut foods. This has been one of my best tricks yet. Having ADHD, we don’t always view things as a task, we view them as steps. So, when we are cooking, we don’t say, “Oh I have to make this, this, and this.” We view it as I have to cut this, chop this, peel this, dice this. This alone makes preparing meals more dreadful and less likely to be done. Buying certain foods that are available pre-cut saves you time and energy and makes cooking a bit easier. I also want to add to this, buying easy to make meals such as boil in a bag rice, pre-made pastas already in a sauce, snacks, fruit/meat and cheese platters, getting meals catered to substitute meal planning just to name a few.
  5. Utilizing the application Natural Reader. Y’all when I tell you this was an absolute game changer for me. I stumbled upon this while in school when I realized I could not retain anything I was reading to save my damn life. The one thing I like about this is the variety of files you can upload whether through a link, PDF, or copy and paste. It also allows you to choose the voice of the reader, the speed, and much more! An added bonus is it’s FREE, now some features do cost money, but it is rare you will need to use them.
  6. Drinking coffee. Now this will vary from person to person, but for some, the way the coffee interacts with the chemicals in the body it has a grounding/calming effect. So, it allows you to be able to focus and get things done.
  7. Lastly, having music playing. This is similar to having white/brown noise, it allows you to have some type of background noise to cancel out the noise in your mind. Which allows you to focus and get more things done.

Now, for the e-books and tools!

This a book recently written by Jane Kennedy. In her book she explains different terms, includes scenarios, goes in depth about what ADHD and how it affects the brain and the body. You can purchase her book here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CRBJDTWC

This last tip is a guide I found on TikTok by the name of Kunal Pathade. In this guide you will find 42 tips and tricks to better assist you. The e-book can be found here: https://stan.store/KunalPathade/p/get-my-templateebookcourse-now-x37hy

Creative Juices

Posted on by Jazmine Lee

The question I had to ask myself, are you horny? Or are your creative juices begging to be played with? Now don’t get it twisted, sometimes you need to wet your whistle. But, in instances where you’re learning to call your power back and heal your womb, ehh not so much.

This was not an easy lesson let me just say this. It did show me though, aside from how sex driven people can be in this society, that there was a certain element when it comes to creativity that was lost. Where that lacked, the excessive need for instant gratification picked up. People had this expectation that if work beyond what they wanted was needed, well they weren’t doing it.

Which is more than likely why OnlyFans went up, casual sex increased, more people watching porn. It was easier to satisfy that itch when you had something readily available to digest. Now in no way shape or form is this a means of bashing sex workers, because these people are keeping them in work. At the same time, these workers can’t control who is a consumer of their content or WHY.

Now, in terms of womb or sacral energy. Our power lies in two areas, our Solar Plexus, and our Sacral Chakra. When we so easily give our power away whether it be to satisfy our ego, or to please other people. Essentially that energy we once had to pour into ourselves, is now depleted. So instead of really taking that time to pour back into ourselves, we’re searching for quick fixes.

You ever notice when you’ve just gotten done masturbating you feel drained? Or tired? In some instances this is because you have to find some way to give you a sense of energy. Now, speaking from experience. There’s been times, before I realized I had to actually be creative and do things that PLEASE ME, that I would masturbate and I was so tired after or couldn’t even put body products on.

At this time, I found out it was because after so long of putting others before myself, and doing things to make people happy as quick as possible was simply because I was avoiding doing the real work. Not so much shadow work, but the work to be HAPPY, and maintain that happiness. I was avoiding that shit like the plague.

We all may tend to think shadow work is hard to do. In some instances, facing our deep dark shadows can be scary. Almost as scary as checking your closet for monsters at night. But you wanna hear some scary shit? Maintaining happiness after you’ve released all that gunk, those bad memories, all the pain. Contrary to popular belief, while it is stated that it takes more muscles to frown than to smile. It does seem as though it takes more mental and physical power to be happy.

Showing up for yourself takes work, putting your passions and hobbies before the needs of other takes work, maintaining a positive mindset so that you can show up for the things you’re passionate about takes work. It’s not something that will happen overnight, or be a 1, 2, 3 done type of deal.

It starts off as baby steps. Maybe you start looking at things on Pinterest again related to something you love, or even seeing it on your FYP on TikTok. Then one day, you’ll get this urge to do the thing, or even buy the tools needed. Once you’ve got them, you’ll feel this intense rush wash over you as you get excited about all the things you can do or create. The final moment approaches, all that time of fighting to get back to the things you love has paid off. You create.

This was exactly how I felt after not baking for months, not writing for my blog, not doing readings, not crocheting, or even taking the baby steps to explore makeup again. This overwhelming sense of joy knowing that I didn’t have to share this with anyone. I was able to have this all to myself and relish in how happy it made me. Gleaming over what I had just created. As time went on those “urges”, seemed to subside. I became more aware of the moments that I was looking for a quick fix and I could make a conscious effort to stop myself before I went down that road again.

As I close this out I do wanna say, be gentle with yourself, take your time, don’t rush getting to the bigger picture. So that when you have the baby steps to look back on, you can do so and smile.

Observing vs Absorbing

Posted on by Jazmine Lee


Reading Time: 3 minutes and 35 seconds

Recently I discovered something about my son.  He showed me the difference between transmuting energy and suppressing (or absorbing) it. Now let me tell you all the backstory behind this realization. 

I was sitting on the couch, zoned out crocheting this Queen Size Amethyst colored blanket. While doing this I noticed my mind was quiet. My thought wasn’t running rampant, everything was very settled and grounded. As I’m doing this, my son is calmly playing with his toys. Now, I say calmly because he’s usually bouncing off the walls jumping from activity to activity. I’m not always the best at managing my energy. Or finding ways to manage or allow my emotions to flow. 

This just means, what I don’t transmute, ends up being suppressed. Some ways can be, via overeating; boredom eating, mindlessly scrolling on social media, and going from task to task. While not completing a single thing. Essentially running away from my problems, or emotions I should say. Me viewing these emotions, as a problem. 

When I took the time to ground my energy, by crocheting, I noticed there wasn’t anything for him to transmute. Being a Gemini, his nervous system is always picking up something. This is why, teaching them (Geminis), to observe and not absorb is crucial. While maintaining the energy of their environment as well. Geminis are almost like Richter scales, picking up on any sudden changes that could cause a major shift in the energy. 

Now, of course, this will vary from Gem to Gem. But, per my observation over time. Geminis have to flourish in a healthy environment. They have to be taught how to discern their energy, from everyone else’s. When their nervous system goes haywire, it will, and/or can result in, alcohol and substance abuse, sex addiction, being major people pleasers, and an array of things. Especially engaging in negative behavior or social circles. 

A lot of the time, Geminis have to go through periods of isolation. This can be at random, or when dealing with mass amounts of energy. This allows them space to recharge, cleanse, and find what works for them. While also processing the information they’ve absorbed. 

Some healthy ways to help them transmute this energy at the moment are, taking deep breaths and doing check-ins, paying attention to energy shifts (observing it, vs absorbing); this will help them to avoid being the “fixer” in a situation. If able, remove themselves from the situation and/or environment. The last thing needed is to engage when emotions are high. Especially if you’re more of a react, vs a respond type of person. 

Another way to help transmute the energy is by engaging in hobbies that you love. When you’re able to redirect your energy, this allows you to detach yourself from the energy that’s present. Now, this won’t look the same all the time. As I stated in the beginning, at that time my energy wasn’t grounded. My son wasn’t in the right place mentally and kept getting frustrated. I said my peace, so instead of engaging in his behavior and absorbing it. I decided to transmute it and crochet. 

Now this is something I’ve been working on. More so because I’m a Gemini Venus. When I’m not operating in love, or doing things that I love and please me. I can be very scattered when I’m not operating from that place. This also includes doing things that please me. Checking your natal chart and seeing where Gemini falls, your 3rd house, as well as Mercury, can help to see how you can utilize that energy to keep you grounded. 

Say you have Gemini in your Venus or 2nd house. Ways you can transmute energy by doing things that de-stimulate your senses or rather soothe them. So doing puzzles, utilizing aromatherapy, taking a supplement (always consult your dr), listening to HZ sounds or binaural beats, and lastly, watching something that feels comforting. 

I will link the below calculators to human design charts I use, along with natal chart calculators. These can help you better to navigate the ways you learn to observe vs absorb the energy around you. Please be aware, your accurate birth time, date, city and state are required in order to get an accurate insight on these tools. 

Human Design: https://www.myhumandesign.com/get-your-chart/

Natal Chart: https://astro.cafeastrology.com/natal.php

Nice Guys Don’t Always Finish Last

Posted on by Jazmine Lee

Y’all ever have a moment where you have a guy you’re friends with for so long and dating might have been a thought, but you never took it further? Or you guys were friends and they paid for things for you, got you out the house, and just gave you a nice little surprise treat? Only for you to find out it was only for them to pretty much “buy” their way into your pants or them buying you over period?

See this situation alone is why women don’t give men the time of day as friends, we don’t want to hug you, give you our number none of it. It’s not that we’re acting stuck up or we’re better than you. We’re just doing what necessary to keep peace in our lives and keep a guard up. But, this kind draws back to the last blog I wrote about a woman’s no not meaning yes. You can’t always try to push your way through a woman’s boundaries and expect that she’ll get tired of you trying and give you a chance. Or more so trying to force something you feel is there when in all actuality the feelings isn’t mutual at all. It’s just a one sided situation. 

A friend of mines was telling me a story about how a guy she’s really good friends with took to her and just how much they had in common. Well over time he was doing things for her, coming to see her at lunch, taking her out to lunch, all that stuff. Then during that time she felt compelled to distance herself from him. I didn’t really understand at that time and figured it might’ve been a non specific reason. So fast forward to the next couple weeks, he’s taking her out to gun ranges, then, they went out to a float spa and out to eat. Prior to going out to eat he pretty much tried to push himself into her. Not so much in a physical sense but touching her leg, leaning into her all that bullshit. Mind you this is an issue they’ve dealt with prior with him feeling it was okay to kiss her (and he’s married). She set her boundaries and he wasn’t okay which then would explain the distance. Then going back to now she sternly tells him not to do that shit again because it makes her very uncomfortable. He took offense to this and said “I did all this for you taking you out to eat, taking you to the float spa and I can’t get x y and z???”. That in itself triggered her because at this rate it’s feeling like it could lead to rape or her being sexually assaulted. So from that point on she created even further distance than what was created the first time.  

In instances like this men can’t separate their ego from what’s right. Even after her setting boundaries he still took it upon himself to go after what he wanted. The problem with this is you can’t do shit like this to women. 1. Because you never know if they could’ve been raped, molested, sexually assaulted in the past or whatever. 2. When a woman states what is and isn’t comfortable for her you don’t GET to decide if she’s playing hard to get 3. ESPECIALLY if you are married in a relationship whatever it is the case may be. You don’t use a woman as an escape plan for an issue you’re not ready to deal with.  

That alone brings me to my own story, there was this guy I was friends with on and off for about 10 years. We “talked” or dated for a very short while but down the line I figured it would be best we stayed friends because I genuinely valued out friendship. So moving isn’t a few years ago he told me he wanted to give us a chance and actually date again. I explained to him I’m at a point in my life my only focus is my son, healing, and school. So it wasn’t the right time. If he was willing to wait for me great if not ain’t shit I can do about that. This didn’t set right with I’m and he pretty much said fuck everything I just said, he’s been waiting all these years and this that and the third. But, I’m like first of all I never asked you to wait for shit. I established YEARS ago it would be best that we just be friends soooo I’m not sure what you were waiting on. Yeah at one point he did explain how it would be amazing if he lost his virginity to me, but I told him that’s something sacred and beautiful about you. Not many men remain virgins this long so I’d rather he give it to someone who deserves it. Fast forward to this year. We got back in contact after him completely dismissing me when I told him I needed to focus on myself. We caught up filled each other on what was going on in our lives and all that. I was explaining about some guys I had been dealing with where I live and giving him the run down. So he asks “when are you coming back to visit?”, I tell him it may not be until August around when school starts back depends how my money is looking (also to add I was talking to someone during the time). So I explained that and he said we should hook up when you come. Now, in my mind I’m like yeah we can meet up that’s cool. But, what he really meant was to have sex. I’m like no because that would be disrespectful to the dude I’m dealing with and I don’t view you in that way. Nor am I okay with having more than one sexual partner. He goes on to say how it’s not fair and he’s been good to me all these years and he deserves to be able to have sex with me. Wait a muthafuckng minute…you deserve? Let me run that back just in case y’all ain’t here me YOU DESERVE? I must’ve snapped the fuck off. Like first off if I tell you I’m dealing with somebody no the fuck I am not about to have sex with you, second for you to say you’ve been good to me? So what you’re telling me is, all those things you did as a friend was pretty much for a end goal for you? You know what I’m cool. I won’t even mention when I am down there to visit because you’ve crossed the line. 

After that situation I haven’t and don’t plan on speaking to him ever again. He still checks my social media but other than that no. I laid down my ground rules, set my boundaries and he still felt he could still push them to get his way. This alone is why me personally why I don’t give men the time of day, I don’t entertain them, I don’t entertain any free meals or none of that stuff. Just off the strength you NEVER know what HIS intentions are or what he could do to you.  

Now men and/or women I hope you were able to take something from reading this and realizing just because he’s a nice guy or you’re a nice guy, doesn’t mean you will always Finish Last. Sometimes you just gotta accept shit for what it is and move the fuck on. Now if you were the woman or the man in this story evaluate the role you’ve played in peoples lives and how you felt this affected you. Or hell if you’re the guy you need to take a step back and realize what was it, or who was it that told you if you keep trying you’ll get what you want because, from my friend and I’s experience this isn’t the way to go about it. No if you felt this was you in these stories go ahead and share it. If not and you know someone else could use it, share it with them……  

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Home Ain’t Always Where The Heart is

Posted on by Jazmine Lee

I’ve seen too often parents will say “oh I’m doing it for the kids” or “I’m staying for the kids”. While that may be well and true what kind of example are you setting by staying in a toxic relationship? No matter what you say, kids go off of actions. You can tell a child don’t be like me everyday, but if you’re not leading by example that won’t always be the case.

You see too often people are so concerned with wanting to keep up a certain family image, wanting to appear happy, wanting everyone to think their home is happy while suffering in that same home.

As a parent I get it, no parents wants to see their child not be able to have both parents in the home. Having to choose who’s parents home they wanna go to for holidays, birthdays, all of that. But their comes a time as a parent you have to put your happiness first and for lack of a better word say “fuck them kids”. Now don’t take this seriously y’all. I say that to say, how the fuck do you expect your children to be happy if you aren’t happy??? How do you expect to model a happy home, marriage, self love to your children if you are unable to practice that. Regardless to what you allow children to SEE they are beings of energy before anything. What you don’t always say they themselves can FEEL. Especially when an argument taken place that energy still lingers.

Being a single mom I had to make a very hard decision that my son wasn’t going to be able to have that standard picture perfect family I’d dreamt of. But you wanna know what else I told myself? It will be okay. I had to tell myself although I am not able to go on with the family I started I can always find someone else. Every day I had to say “sometimes you won’t end with the ones you started with” and that is OKAY.

One thing I do know is of importance is making sure you and that  person are mentally, emotionally, and financially stable equally to want to make a child together. Just off the strength every child deserves to have both mommy and daddy. Now that’s not to say even if you have all this that things won’t still end up going south. But it’s always good to have that foundation, that way you’re off to a good start.

All in all what I want you to take from this is don’t allow your children to suffer for you own selfishness. Sometimes the best thing you can do is leave so your children can see you happy. Will there be ups and downs to them not seeing mommy and daddy together everyday? Of course. Will they eventually get through it by you also being compassionate and understanding this is a transition for them? Most definitely. But always remember your children’s happiness starts with you being happy…..

She’s Not a Bitch, She Just Has Boundaries 🤷🏾‍♀️

Posted on by Jazmine Lee

A couple weeks ago I was in deep thought, which is normal for me most of the time. Or pretty much all the time lol. I have a friend who was venting to me about her job and saying how much she can’t stand her boss because she has this rule and that rule, and so many things she just doesn’t agree with. I sat and thought about that venting session for days and thought about how there are so many times there was shit other people did that I didn’t agree with that made them come off rude or it made me feel some type of way towards them.

But, I had to tell myself everyone had their own set of rules in place or ways they want to run their business however they want to. What’s not okay is making a conscious choice to say fuck other peoples boundaries just because, you don’t agree with them.

This may sound hypocritical as fuck because, I just recently did this. I had a friend I grew close with and it was a specific point in time I wanted to really share a point in my life I’m at right now and just my happiness and I wanted to share that with her and at that time her response as to why she didn’t want to hear it sounded shallow as fuck to me. I began placing blame on her saying that’s not fair how she didn’t wanna listen to me and blah blah blah. When she needed me I was here to listen. Then a voice in me was like but that was your choice….I’m like wait hold up what? What you mean? It said again, she didn’t ask you to sit and listen to those things, that was something you chose to do. Being my stubborn self I was like but this is what other people do with their friends and they….and the voice says again, but that’s them. Those are THEIR friendships. You cannot base what you feel someone else’s boundaries should be like off someone else’s relationship because, no two peoples limits are the same.

Now, will you always agree with a line that is drawn? No not at all, will you have to either shut the fuck up and walk away. Or shut the fuck up and honor the fact no I don’t agree with the line you’ve drawn but I respect that. In my spiritual journey that was by far one of the hardest pills I had to swallow.

Especially when you know that person already has an issue with setting their boundaries and limits, it triggered you to know that was also applicable to you. So now I’m sitting here like damn I feel like a shitty friend. All because I couldn’t respect what she had did and I felt I wasn’t being supported as a friend.

Like for weeks, I was trying to justify not speaking to her and just I would not budge on where I stood until that voice spoke to me. It made me realize just because, I personally struggle with setting boundaries when it comes to intimate relationships especially with friendships, doesn’t mean those around me have no right to set their own. So I had to ask myself did that make me angry with her not listening to what I said, or did her saying that trigger me because, I don’t have the balls when necessary to set my limits.

Growing up learning how to be a friend, I was always taught you always gotta be there for your friends. You gotta listen to every vent session they have because, that’s what being a friend was about. Just all these false expectations of what someone else should be doing. Just to get hit by reality and realize. No. None of that shit is necessary. If someone can not handle dealing with something or hearing a story because it triggers them it’s not your job to say, well if you were my friend you should listen to this, or you should do xy and z for me.

My biggest lesson I recently had to learn, not just with how I personally treat people but when rules are established. Baby girl everybody ain’t built like you. How you move and operate ain’t never gone be the same as the next person. Whether it be a friendship, relationship, business partnership none of that. We all have our own traumas, we all have gone through shit that makes us draw the line where we feel necessary. With that comes seeing not everyone will see eye to eye with it. Nor will they always agree or be okay. But, the point in the matter is if you genuinely love them you gotta honor that. You not gone like everything that’s set in place but you gotta follow it unless instructed to do other wise.

Next time a friend states something that bothers you, ask yourself why does it bother me? Is it because I don’t agree? Or is it because it could possibly be a trigger?…….

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Where Did We Go Wrong?

Posted on by Jazmine Lee

I was on Facebook the other day and a guy I’m friends with posted a picture of him and his mom and just the way he respects women and treats them like Goddesses is something I’ve never witnessed. Then thinking that it brought me to how so many men are heartless, cold, rude towards women, see them as objects and not human beings.

So many times as women we blame men for how they act but don’t take the time out to hold the number one woman accountable, their mother. As mothers it is our job to love our sons unconditionally. With that comes allowing them to freely express their emotions, letting them see us at our weakest moment, educating them on our bodies, how we act the way we do. All the things that makes us wombman. How can you expect your child to have any sense of empathy when he can’t even see the number one woman in his life be vulnerable?

Too often we don’t want our sons seeing us struggle, cry, having pretty much any type of emotions. Then when they get older and start to date they expect just about every woman to take whatever life throws at her including him. He expects his woman to be strong no matter what. Because of course this is what his mother displayed to him.

Now as a mom myself I get it. You don’t WANT your children to see you struggle because as children it’s not their job to worry. You don’t want to be an emotional burden. You don’t wanna rob them of their childhood. But honey shit happens. If you look at those things as a negative that is the type of light that will get shown on them. But if you look at it as, I’m showing my son how I am not just as a mother but as a woman he will grow up and have a lot more respect for women.

This isn’t to say if a man doesn’t see this he won’t respect women. But he’ll have A LOT more respect so to speak because he’s seen the woman whom gave birth to him in all states. Weight loss, weight gain, happy, sad, depressed, angry, broke, lots of money, you get my drift.

That alone is why as a mom I let my son see it all. He’s seen me at all my stages good and bad. I also as he allows me to express myself good or bad, allow him to do the same. We as women and parents have to realize our children hold space for us unapologetically and still love us the same. It’s time we do the same for our suns and allow them the space to be themselves. That means the attitude, as hard that will be. The crying, tantrums, being overly excited over something that may seem small to us but MAJOR to them. When their feelings are hurt helping them to understand their feelings and letting them know it’s OKAY to feel this. Then further explaining what they are feeling so they won’t grow up thinking something is wrong or what most have said this isn’t me.

I hope after reading this it will help to shed some light on how our sons deserve to be loved and treated as they are our Future…..

But is It Possible…?

Posted on by Jazmine Lee

Okay, so everyone knows or assumes in order for any relationship to thrive sex is a necessity. You gotta give it to your man 2-3 times a day, every day of the week, no matter if you’re up for it or not….but the real fucking question is who came up with this shit? Who sat here and said it’s completely okay to dismiss a persons feelings and mental well being for the sake of making sure someone else is happy?

Now I briefly went over sexual abuse in my blog “Abusive Relationships” but didn’t dive into it too much. Most will say it’s not possible to be raped in a relationship because when you get into one you’re forfeiting any rights to your body. Now this isn’t just one sided men and women do this. As much as I don’t want to admit it I’m guilty of this. But, to say the least I think we all are. If you’re horny or in a mood it’s not your girlfriend, boyfriend, partner, or spouses responsibility to “take care” of it if they tell you or you see they’re not in the mood. The thing where this becomes a problem is people’s ego gets involved and they can’t respect the other persons boundaries.

How many times have you told your partner not now, I’m not in the mood, or I just wanna cuddle then they still take it upon themselves to pull your pants down in your sleep even though you said no? Those I’ve asked about this have just said they didn’t mind because they ended up wanting it anyway. But what does that end up saying about that person not respecting your boundaries that you set? Do you feel like that makes it okay just because you’re in a relationship with them? Is that an excuse for them to violate your body?

Don’t go all she’s being extreme it’s not even that serious. Yeah to you it may not be, but to the woman who’s unhappy and simply had sex with her husband because she knows that’s the “role” she’s supposed to play it may be serious to her.

Or hell even the women in the 50’s who were clearly unhappy and wanting to leave. But didn’t because they couldn’t even provide for themselves so they had no choice but to be submissive to their husbands.

Hell even men. We know men generally won’t even verbalize they aren’t in the mood, or women know sex will always make them feel better no matter what. So regardless to the mood that the man is in she will always let sex be an option. But, as a man how exactly can you let your woman know you’re not up for sex? Or if you’d rather just lay up and watch movies with her. Without her assuming you want it to lead to more than that?

To me it seems like unless boundaries are enforced from day one, when in the heat of the moment what could be seen as playing “hard to get” can easily be taken as oh I’m gonna have to take it. When in all actuality there isn’t shit to take. If that person says they don’t want sex it’s not up to you to decide if there is some underlying answer in-between the answer that was already given. This alone is why communication is essential and necessary so that there isn’t any confusion on what’s being said or any of their actions that could possibly be misconstrued.

I’m sure when most read this they won’t agree because, rape is a serious word to be thrown around and if it boils down who is going to believe a man or woman when they tell someone their boyfriend or girlfriend raped them? They’ll take it as a joke then follow it up with “but was it good?”….because that’s really the question someone wants to hear….I hope you were able to take something from reading this and truly understand how important it is to respect the other persons boundaries…..

“Analyze” by Ashley K. Boyd

Posted on by Jazmine Lee

“I’m sorry baby, I promise it won’t happen again” he says, and to your mind it won’t. He didn’t mean to it was an accident right? If you hadn’t did what you did he wouldn’t have gotten this mad. All these thoughts that run through your mind, as those dried up tears rest upon your face, and those black and blue marks start to surface on your skin. Ha, yeah he won’t do it again. Maybe next time it’ll be better. Yeah! It had to be me right? Wait….or was it me? You ask yourself over and over again whilst the room is a perfect metaphor of your heart. Shaken up, destroyed, but knowing it can easily be cleaned up. Staring off into space trying to break free of the mental chains he’s placed you under, you try to stand up only to be greeted by a black eye. It’s okay, it’s fine! I simply fell and hit my eye…wait no…no one will believe that. Now you pace the room trying to figure out how did you black your eye…you stand there searching for reasons your eye could’ve gotten this way. Your subconscious is running a mile a minute trying to aid in his rescue. But, are you sure he won’t do it again? No of course he won’t! Why would you ever say something so disrespectful when I know it was my fault! Walking through the living room telling yourself “I’ll get this cleaned up in no time!”. Once I’m done I’ll get dinner started and it’ll be as though it never happened. Your subconscious crying for you to leave before things get worse, knowing they’ll get worse. Your judgement being so cloudy, not even seeing it was never your fault. You may want to forget but your body never will. When he goes to kiss you you’ll stare into his eyes with hesitancy not knowing if you’ve said something wrong. Then you realize your lips have not separated to utter a single sentence….as you go to get dressed he’ll see the bruises on your skin and ask what happened? Your mind says is he fucking crazy? What happened? Calming the raging bull saying “I must’ve fallen when I was cleaning up earlier”. It’s no biggie it’ll go away! You go to wash the day off only to be greeted by aches and pains he’s placed on your body. Standing there as the shower water beats your skin, a tear rolls down your face as your body tries so hard to forget the pain you’re feeling.

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