Children

ADHD, Astral Travel, & Everything In-between

Posted on by Jazmine Lee

Reading time: 8 minutes and 40 seconds

So most know the general things of what people with ADHD deal with, but not the dark and ugly things. One of the symptoms of ADHD that is not talked about is suicide. Oftentimes people go a great deal of their lives being undiagnosed. This can cause issues with confidence and low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and for some isolation. Another issue alongside being undiagnosed that a lot of neurodivergent people face is misdiagnosis. Oftentimes when being evaluated, Doctors will only see the symptoms present of anxiety and depression. These symptoms are often caused by the lack of hormones present that are needed for the brain to function properly. As time goes on lack of these hormones makes it harder for the body to regulate itself. This can show up as a lack of focus, memory issues, motivation, basic hygiene, and interest in hobbies, just to name a few. Naturally, when a doctor hears these things the first thing, they go to is depression or anxiety, but they never address the root issue of the problem.

Story Time

When the root issue is never addressed it can cause people to either attempt to commit suicide because of feeling like a prisoner living in or body, or for some the ideation of suicide as a means of escape. This brings me to my own story of how I have dealt with both suicide attempts as well as ideation. Alongside this, I speak on how after thinking that the issue had been resolved and I was on the road to healing it showed up in unexpected ways.

I have had attempts, ideations, and thoughts of suicide in the past. As time went on life was good, nothing major was taking place that impeded my mental health. Fast forward to the year 2020, it decided to reintroduce itself. I was pregnant with my daughter and had a 4-year-old son. I was in a bad place mentally that only 1-3 people knew about, and even less understood the depths of that pain. I was in the darkest place I have been in, in my life. Having to decide to bring another child earthside and potentially place myself in a position where my son, whom I suspected had autism would not get the full attention he deserved because outside of my mom, I had no major familial support that did not come with a price. So, as I lay in bed where most of my days were spent, I told myself, I cannot go a day longer, if I continue like this, I will end up killing myself. Those words echoed through my mind. As I thought, damn I have been suicide thought/ideation free for about 6 years. Why is this coming up now? Either way, I had to make a tough decision and let my daughter go.

Fast forward again to another dark time in my life, my emotions and mental health were at their worst. I was struggling to get up out of my bed, keep up with my hygiene, and be mentally present overall. The thought crept in once again. This time it took me back to an evaluation I had in January. The psychiatrist asked the big question “Have you tried to commit or have had thoughts of suicide in the past?” To which I replied “Yes.” The psychiatrist responded, so what happened to those thoughts? I said you know I do not know. She said they never went away. I was again free of those thoughts when I just placed them in my back pocket for safekeeping. 6 months later I came across a list of things that both men and women deal with when they have ADHD. “Sadness, anxiety, forgetfulness, depression, suicidal ideation….” Did I think ideation? As I had been seeing that word for months. So, I chose to google it, “suicidal ideation is when there are no attempts, but you often think of it as a means of escape.” I then realized those thoughts never left, they just transformed into something different. Someone would argue it was progress because I went from unsuccessful attempts to thoughts to ideation.

The issue with this was this was not the end of it. Upon recent revelations with a life coach, I realized again, that the ideations had resurfaced but in a new and improved form. Astral travel. I am sure you are wondering how can wanting to take your life be connected to astral travel.

You see, I have been learning since 2020 how to astral travel. Over that course of time, not only did I learn how to navigate my dreams, I learned how to control them so that I was able to come and go as I please. Allowing me to wake up at any moment when I was fed up with the dream. Around the time I was pregnant now that I think about it. Over time I became particularly good at it, to say the least. But it was not until I realized I stopped meditating at night and my sleep was of lesser quality. What hit me was that my reality was too much for my nervous system some days.

Sleep became a source of you guessed it, escapism. So now, what should have been used to help replenish my body, became a source of me energetically running rampant. Causing me to be exhausted in the mornings. So now, I am in a space where my nighttime routine MUST be intentional. I must make it a priority to shut my mind and body down, journal, brain dump, or whatever to prepare my body to rest and recharge. It blew my mind when this revelation came up in the session, simply because I told myself I thought I was breaking out of the escapism cycle, just for it to manifest in other areas of my life.

Now you see the issue with my nighttime routine is when it is not successful it bleeds into the new day ahead. I just recently started medication for my ADHD, even though the doctors only see it as anxiety and depression. So now, my mood has improved, I have been paying more attention to my body and hunger cues, my mood has been steady (for the most part), and I can get more done. But now there still tends to be a smidge of struggle with tasks. Which may or may not be fully normal. Given I have only been on medication for about a week and a few days.

Being on this medication has made me very aware of how badly ADHD/anxiety/depression can heavily affect not only a person’s day-to-day but also their mental health. It also in a sense released a fog that seemed as though it had been in my face for years. It is as though I was here, but I was not here you know. So now that I have these newfound sightings and levels of awareness, I want to use them to spread even more awareness of how ADHD impacts people. Most days ADHD feels like a silent epidemic that is slowly killing people’s spirits. Now that may not be the case for everyone, but there is a major part of the community that it has an impact on. With no one to be a soundboard for the struggles that it is we face. ADHD/Autism and many other neurological disorders have gained traction on social media, specifically TikTok. I can only hope more solutions and groundbreaking information can be discovered and spread.

Resources

Some resources that I personally use that have helped me are going to therapy, thought dumping (which consists of getting all your thoughts on paper), getting a life coach, taking spiritual baths, reading books about ADHD so that I can learn to understand myself better, taking medication, drinking herbal teas, breaking tasks up rather than trying to do everything all at once, having groceries delivered, confiding in someone you trust about the struggles you face.

Down below I will link an e-book that has helped me, along with a book for those who deal with ADHD. I have found both very helpful and insightful when it comes to gaining more knowledge. Some coping skills I have acquired and will explain below are body doubling, utilizing timers and alarms, writing important dates down in both my phone and on a calendar, buying certain foods precut, utilizing apps such as NaturalReader, having music playing during certain activities, on a rare occasion coffee just to name a few.

Tips & Tricks

Now to explain in depth what each one means:

  1. Body doubling refers to having someone present whether it be in the room or on a device such as phone call or video chat. This helps the person trying to complete a task to keep them motivated and also held accountable.
  2. Utilizing alarms and timers. Most people with ADHD deal with something called time blindness where they are not fully aware of time and can tend to get distracted. Having alarms serves as a reminder for the tasks that need to be completed. Whereas a timer helps to keep you on track and if breaks are needed allow the person a visual aid to be aware of how much time of the task is left.
  3. Writing down important dates. Doing this by phone allows me to see at any time when I have something important that is coming up. One setting that iPhones have is you can set it to give a reminder every day, or whenever you choose so that you get notified of it. I also like the idea of it making an alarm sound so that I am aware of what I have going on. As for writing them on Calendars, I love doing this because I am a visual person and on top of seeing it in my phone, having a calendar to look at every day is extremely helpful.
  4. Buying precut foods. This has been one of my best tricks yet. Having ADHD, we don’t always view things as a task, we view them as steps. So, when we are cooking, we don’t say, “Oh I have to make this, this, and this.” We view it as I have to cut this, chop this, peel this, dice this. This alone makes preparing meals more dreadful and less likely to be done. Buying certain foods that are available pre-cut saves you time and energy and makes cooking a bit easier. I also want to add to this, buying easy to make meals such as boil in a bag rice, pre-made pastas already in a sauce, snacks, fruit/meat and cheese platters, getting meals catered to substitute meal planning just to name a few.
  5. Utilizing the application Natural Reader. Y’all when I tell you this was an absolute game changer for me. I stumbled upon this while in school when I realized I could not retain anything I was reading to save my damn life. The one thing I like about this is the variety of files you can upload whether through a link, PDF, or copy and paste. It also allows you to choose the voice of the reader, the speed, and much more! An added bonus is it’s FREE, now some features do cost money, but it is rare you will need to use them.
  6. Drinking coffee. Now this will vary from person to person, but for some, the way the coffee interacts with the chemicals in the body it has a grounding/calming effect. So, it allows you to be able to focus and get things done.
  7. Lastly, having music playing. This is similar to having white/brown noise, it allows you to have some type of background noise to cancel out the noise in your mind. Which allows you to focus and get more things done.

Now, for the e-books and tools!

This a book recently written by Jane Kennedy. In her book she explains different terms, includes scenarios, goes in depth about what ADHD and how it affects the brain and the body. You can purchase her book here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CRBJDTWC

This last tip is a guide I found on TikTok by the name of Kunal Pathade. In this guide you will find 42 tips and tricks to better assist you. The e-book can be found here: https://stan.store/KunalPathade/p/get-my-templateebookcourse-now-x37hy

The Dating Games

Posted on by Jazmine Lee

Now, we have all been there when it comes to being on dating apps. It feels like every time we swipe right we never know what we are going to get. Almost like the Hunger Games of the dating world. You quickly find out that the bios of these men and women are simply just a means to showcase their greatest attributes, their failed attempts, or their inability to attract the right person due to their unresolved trauma. 

As an intuitive, from my own escapades, I have noticed how insecure men can be in the dating world. Now, for me personally tinder and those apps have never been a hit for me. People do not know how to separate their long term needs from their short term desires. Even when their are specific apps set up just for sex, men like to search in other applications where they can get girlfriend amenities, with sexual relations. Without having to actually commit. 

Since being on this dating app for Parents called Stir I have noticed that there are a lot of men with children…on dating apps…looking for sex. Or their bio will read “not looking for anything serious..we can see where this goes…if it leads to something that’s okay”. Now, as a man why do you feel getting on a dating app for parents, just to want to have a fuck buddy is okay? Why do you feel testing the water, with no intent to lead a woman to anything but an unpromised orgasm is the way to go? Is it that you are too insecure to go on general apps just for hookups in fear that women may not want you if they know that you have children? 

There was one app I stumbled upon called Pure, it’s a dating and also strictly hook ups. The one thing I loved about this app was it allowed for full transparency, no hidden motives, no guessing games with what people wanted. Most of them just want either short term or long term hook ups anyway. Which I loved about the app. It allows you to input the different types of kinks, love languages, as well as what type of foreplay you are into. Very direct I might add, and straight to the point. 

So, my question is, why are men that are parents afraid to be on apps that are geared for just sex, rather than taking up space on an app for women with children who are genuinely looking to date? Now, this isn’t to say parents don’t deserve to be on dating apps besides the ones created strictly for parents. But, why waste other people’s time, or create filler words in your bio that insinuate you aren’t sure of what you want. You know you don’t want commitment, but you also aren’t being straight forward that you just want sex? 

In episodes on my Podcast I have spoken about my dealings with men who haven’t been fully transparent as to why they are single. Or what they can stand to work on. There was one guy I dealt with who essentially dropped his whole childhood trauma on me, along with a sob story about why he and the mother of his children were not together. Upon doing some digging, and general intuitiveness, I realized it was him that was the reason for their split. Another situation, I’m talking to this guy and things were already ehh. Between the pet names, and the dry conversation I was turned off. It was not until I asked him why he was still single and he said these women just were not able to check the boxes on my list. So I asked him what exactly are those? What are you wanting/looking for? To which he replied the same thing. He essentially wanted a woman to prove they were worth him giving his time. The man with little to no conversation and referring to women in greetings as “Good Morning Cupcake”. My issue with this is, when you take your past issues and project them onto people. Now I can understand you don’t want someone playing catfish with you if you tell them what you are looking for and they soon become “The One”. But, say you meet someone who is honest and they simply tell you, I personally don’t think we are a good match, you’re not what I am looking for. I also understand honesty is not always the best policy when it comes to dating so I digress. 

Now, everyone is different. I can fully understand that some women like to make the first move, while men are receptive to that. The issue is that not a lot of men don’t know how to offer deep conversation, actually get to know someone. There have been so many instances that I have swiped left or “dislike” on a man’s profile simply because of how aggressive he comes off in his bio. Or how much he sounds like he is projecting his pain from past relationships before a woman can get a chance to even meet, let alone speak to him. After noticing this being a constant thing, I legit started copying the bio of certain men I would see, pasting it onto ChatGPT and asking “What is the issue with this bio?”. To which it often replied “Most of the info being disclosed is irrelevant”. People talking about not wasting their time, what their last ex did, not actually showcasing the good qualities about themselves, not being clear on what they are looking for. The list goes on. 

With all of these things, it has prompted me to deactivate my dating apps. Now I know there are lots of people who have success with them, or even have met their current partner. But, I am slowly realizing I want to feel someone’s energy from meeting them in person, be able to probe and ask questions, get a feel for who they are in that moment. A lot like how dating was before technology really came into play. Because let’s be real, no millennial is using Eharmony or Christian Mingle. If they are, well then you don’t hear about it often. 

What have your dating experiences been like? Are you more of an in-person dater or an online type of dater? 

Spirit Babies: Life on The Other Side

Posted on by Jazmine Lee

For most that aren’t familiar, I’ve spoken about spirit babies on my Podcast, What’s Up Under That? Spirit babies are babies of the spiritual plane, who will often communicate with you or a spiritual consultant (such as an intuitive reader, psychic, etc) on their arrival or things they’re wanting you to work through to prepare for their arrival.

Often they can be either in a baby form, toddler, teen, or even an adult. Now, I’m sure you say, how is that? While the term “Spirit Baby” isn’t synopsis to baby per se, it can truly vary in the tone in which they speak. Or the memories they hold with you from either past lives, or even your childhood, down to certain periods in your life. Some spirit babies have the duty of your Spiritual or as most call it Spirit Guide.

Some children’s responsibility is to help you with their soon-to-be siblings, some are to help you with things you may need to work on within yourself, and for some, it’s simply helping you to work and heal the relationship with your womb, to have a healthy pregnancy and carry them to term. Others may have a specific duty in life to fulfill and making sure you’re prepared to be a parent is a part of that. Think of it like this, what if Michael Jackson or Prince, or even Jhene Aikos’ parents never had them? These are spiritual beings who had a very specific purpose to fulfill and a duty on this earth. To uplift and shift the vibration of those around them through their music, and their pure intentions. Also to break the barriers of what music is. This is just a slight example to show you, one of the many ways spirit babies have a duty to this world. Even if it’s simply just you birthing them, they crave to fulfill that.

Now, there may also be times when a miscarriage happens, or an abortion and these children don’t make it. Oftentimes, it’s simply because it wasn’t the right time, the right person or the baby just wasn’t ready yet. In my own experience, I had to have an abortion. In my case, it was the wrong time and the wrong person. Yes, spirit babies can be born to the wrong people in their anxious efforts to come to earth side. In some cases, they are born to parents who have karma, never worked through said karma, and are now responsible to help transmute that and break the barriers. This can be known as generational curses. A cycle which, has been perpetually continued, until that one spirit baby is born and puts an end to all that.

Another thing I’d like to speak on is when spirit babies are in contact with their earth-side siblings. As I spoke above, about my own experience with mines, I’ve seen and bared witness to just how much they connect not only with me, their grandmother, or friends of mines to deliver messages, but with my son. It’ll be times when he gets in trouble for doing something, something that most kids would get in trouble if they had a partner in crime. Or instances where he may voice how badly he wants a baby brother or sister. Being a Gemini, that’s uncommon. As they do crave to have siblings, if not they tend to nurture the connections close to them.

It’s amazing to see the capacity in which these spirit babies will interact with you. Some may send signs such as Angel numbers (to get a full guide on Angel numbers and their meanings you can purchase mines for $1.11 here https://payhip.com/b/lZvYA), colors, numbers, and even things that they love. For example, my spirit babies (yes bringing back a friend lol) love the colors purple, and army green. What’s funny about that is, those are two of my moms’ favorite colors. So there may even be times when they tend to stay close to those around them or even family members they trust. My mom was known for tending to her grandchildren, and always remaining close. So they stayed near her before I even fully knew they existed. Which has been quite the thing to see.

There have even been instances when spirit babies are excited for their arrival, you can see their orb floating by either the mother-to-be or the father as well. In my case, some spirit babies can seem very shy at first, while others are very vocal. But, towards the end of the pregnancy, they can seem to simmer down. Either from helping the other parent, or assisting them rather, in preparation for their arrival, or simply as they prepare to come into this world. Some spirit babies prepare to meet you, while others may prepare to meet their adoptive parents. The one thing that rings true, these babies do choose their parents. Based on their karmic contract and duties to fulfill. An example is the little boy, or adult rather named Dave from the book A Child Called It. It’s crazy to think, a spirit baby would’ve chosen a brutally abusive mother, who would be the reason for all his pain and suffering. But, as Dave got older, and went on to write, over 3 books detailing his experience. In a way to not only share his story but to bring a sense of hope to those who share stories alike. Showing them they are more than their pain and trauma. They are capable and deserving of living a happy and full life. Just by him sharing what happened on his own. Not to mention, getting married, book tours, and to my knowledge, public speaking engagements.

To tie things up, the point I’m wanting to drive home is all these babies have a purpose, and strive to fulfill that in whatever way is deemed fit. So while people may say, do we choose our parents? We indeed do. What comes with that, is merely something our vessels cannot comprehend. But, our spirit knows.

Observing vs Absorbing

Posted on by Jazmine Lee


Reading Time: 3 minutes and 35 seconds

Recently I discovered something about my son.  He showed me the difference between transmuting energy and suppressing (or absorbing) it. Now let me tell you all the backstory behind this realization. 

I was sitting on the couch, zoned out crocheting this Queen Size Amethyst colored blanket. While doing this I noticed my mind was quiet. My thought wasn’t running rampant, everything was very settled and grounded. As I’m doing this, my son is calmly playing with his toys. Now, I say calmly because he’s usually bouncing off the walls jumping from activity to activity. I’m not always the best at managing my energy. Or finding ways to manage or allow my emotions to flow. 

This just means, what I don’t transmute, ends up being suppressed. Some ways can be, via overeating; boredom eating, mindlessly scrolling on social media, and going from task to task. While not completing a single thing. Essentially running away from my problems, or emotions I should say. Me viewing these emotions, as a problem. 

When I took the time to ground my energy, by crocheting, I noticed there wasn’t anything for him to transmute. Being a Gemini, his nervous system is always picking up something. This is why, teaching them (Geminis), to observe and not absorb is crucial. While maintaining the energy of their environment as well. Geminis are almost like Richter scales, picking up on any sudden changes that could cause a major shift in the energy. 

Now, of course, this will vary from Gem to Gem. But, per my observation over time. Geminis have to flourish in a healthy environment. They have to be taught how to discern their energy, from everyone else’s. When their nervous system goes haywire, it will, and/or can result in, alcohol and substance abuse, sex addiction, being major people pleasers, and an array of things. Especially engaging in negative behavior or social circles. 

A lot of the time, Geminis have to go through periods of isolation. This can be at random, or when dealing with mass amounts of energy. This allows them space to recharge, cleanse, and find what works for them. While also processing the information they’ve absorbed. 

Some healthy ways to help them transmute this energy at the moment are, taking deep breaths and doing check-ins, paying attention to energy shifts (observing it, vs absorbing); this will help them to avoid being the “fixer” in a situation. If able, remove themselves from the situation and/or environment. The last thing needed is to engage when emotions are high. Especially if you’re more of a react, vs a respond type of person. 

Another way to help transmute the energy is by engaging in hobbies that you love. When you’re able to redirect your energy, this allows you to detach yourself from the energy that’s present. Now, this won’t look the same all the time. As I stated in the beginning, at that time my energy wasn’t grounded. My son wasn’t in the right place mentally and kept getting frustrated. I said my peace, so instead of engaging in his behavior and absorbing it. I decided to transmute it and crochet. 

Now this is something I’ve been working on. More so because I’m a Gemini Venus. When I’m not operating in love, or doing things that I love and please me. I can be very scattered when I’m not operating from that place. This also includes doing things that please me. Checking your natal chart and seeing where Gemini falls, your 3rd house, as well as Mercury, can help to see how you can utilize that energy to keep you grounded. 

Say you have Gemini in your Venus or 2nd house. Ways you can transmute energy by doing things that de-stimulate your senses or rather soothe them. So doing puzzles, utilizing aromatherapy, taking a supplement (always consult your dr), listening to HZ sounds or binaural beats, and lastly, watching something that feels comforting. 

I will link the below calculators to human design charts I use, along with natal chart calculators. These can help you better to navigate the ways you learn to observe vs absorb the energy around you. Please be aware, your accurate birth time, date, city and state are required in order to get an accurate insight on these tools. 

Human Design: https://www.myhumandesign.com/get-your-chart/

Natal Chart: https://astro.cafeastrology.com/natal.php

Home Ain’t Always Where The Heart is

Posted on by Jazmine Lee

I’ve seen too often parents will say “oh I’m doing it for the kids” or “I’m staying for the kids”. While that may be well and true what kind of example are you setting by staying in a toxic relationship? No matter what you say, kids go off of actions. You can tell a child don’t be like me everyday, but if you’re not leading by example that won’t always be the case.

You see too often people are so concerned with wanting to keep up a certain family image, wanting to appear happy, wanting everyone to think their home is happy while suffering in that same home.

As a parent I get it, no parents wants to see their child not be able to have both parents in the home. Having to choose who’s parents home they wanna go to for holidays, birthdays, all of that. But their comes a time as a parent you have to put your happiness first and for lack of a better word say “fuck them kids”. Now don’t take this seriously y’all. I say that to say, how the fuck do you expect your children to be happy if you aren’t happy??? How do you expect to model a happy home, marriage, self love to your children if you are unable to practice that. Regardless to what you allow children to SEE they are beings of energy before anything. What you don’t always say they themselves can FEEL. Especially when an argument taken place that energy still lingers.

Being a single mom I had to make a very hard decision that my son wasn’t going to be able to have that standard picture perfect family I’d dreamt of. But you wanna know what else I told myself? It will be okay. I had to tell myself although I am not able to go on with the family I started I can always find someone else. Every day I had to say “sometimes you won’t end with the ones you started with” and that is OKAY.

One thing I do know is of importance is making sure you and that  person are mentally, emotionally, and financially stable equally to want to make a child together. Just off the strength every child deserves to have both mommy and daddy. Now that’s not to say even if you have all this that things won’t still end up going south. But it’s always good to have that foundation, that way you’re off to a good start.

All in all what I want you to take from this is don’t allow your children to suffer for you own selfishness. Sometimes the best thing you can do is leave so your children can see you happy. Will there be ups and downs to them not seeing mommy and daddy together everyday? Of course. Will they eventually get through it by you also being compassionate and understanding this is a transition for them? Most definitely. But always remember your children’s happiness starts with you being happy…..

Where Did We Go Wrong?

Posted on by Jazmine Lee

I was on Facebook the other day and a guy I’m friends with posted a picture of him and his mom and just the way he respects women and treats them like Goddesses is something I’ve never witnessed. Then thinking that it brought me to how so many men are heartless, cold, rude towards women, see them as objects and not human beings.

So many times as women we blame men for how they act but don’t take the time out to hold the number one woman accountable, their mother. As mothers it is our job to love our sons unconditionally. With that comes allowing them to freely express their emotions, letting them see us at our weakest moment, educating them on our bodies, how we act the way we do. All the things that makes us wombman. How can you expect your child to have any sense of empathy when he can’t even see the number one woman in his life be vulnerable?

Too often we don’t want our sons seeing us struggle, cry, having pretty much any type of emotions. Then when they get older and start to date they expect just about every woman to take whatever life throws at her including him. He expects his woman to be strong no matter what. Because of course this is what his mother displayed to him.

Now as a mom myself I get it. You don’t WANT your children to see you struggle because as children it’s not their job to worry. You don’t want to be an emotional burden. You don’t wanna rob them of their childhood. But honey shit happens. If you look at those things as a negative that is the type of light that will get shown on them. But if you look at it as, I’m showing my son how I am not just as a mother but as a woman he will grow up and have a lot more respect for women.

This isn’t to say if a man doesn’t see this he won’t respect women. But he’ll have A LOT more respect so to speak because he’s seen the woman whom gave birth to him in all states. Weight loss, weight gain, happy, sad, depressed, angry, broke, lots of money, you get my drift.

That alone is why as a mom I let my son see it all. He’s seen me at all my stages good and bad. I also as he allows me to express myself good or bad, allow him to do the same. We as women and parents have to realize our children hold space for us unapologetically and still love us the same. It’s time we do the same for our suns and allow them the space to be themselves. That means the attitude, as hard that will be. The crying, tantrums, being overly excited over something that may seem small to us but MAJOR to them. When their feelings are hurt helping them to understand their feelings and letting them know it’s OKAY to feel this. Then further explaining what they are feeling so they won’t grow up thinking something is wrong or what most have said this isn’t me.

I hope after reading this it will help to shed some light on how our sons deserve to be loved and treated as they are our Future…..

The Truth Is, We’re TIRED of Doing It Alone

Posted on by Jazmine Lee

I recently was pointlessly scrolling on Facebook and saw a post that said “Toxic mothers are just as bad as absent fathers, but y’all not ready for that discussion though”. Then a reply below, which was a fucking word, stated, maybe it’s because we as mothers are tired of carrying the weight of two people causing us to exhibit toxic behavior. Babbbby I was not READY for that second response. Now, this statement could be taken one of two ways. How can you, as a woman, justify being toxic towards your child who had nothing to do with the other parent not being in their life? Then it could be taken as, yes, as a mom we all want to be the sweet Suzie homemaker, always smiling type but let’s be fucking real, can we? No. Shit won’t always be that way. When you’re a single mom you’re working for two, cooking for two, cleaning for what feels like four people, running errands, going to Doctors appointments, this list goes on. But you get my drift we’re doing every damn thing alone and expected to be 100% all the time.  

Let’s not add in how no one ever feels it’s necessary for us to need or want a break, to want to be away from our children, or hell to even wanna date again. The one term I personally heard as a single mom is “you didn’t even give him a chance to be a father”. Excuse the absolute fuck outta me? Come again? I didn’t give him a chance to be a what? Oh yeah, you’re clearly smoking something serious to have even said that. The sad part is this statement is the norm from people. When exactly do single mothers get the chance to be a mom? To have time away from the kid for months at a time, to find themselves, go to school, heal from past relationships, take the time to stack their money, go out with friends or any of the things we WISH we could do. We don’t. That’s just the point.  

As women the day we find out we’re pregnant we’re doing everything we can to make sure our baby has what they need, has a stable environment to live in, has a roof over their head all that. We can’t just take a few months or the whole nine and say okay baby mommy will be back when it’s time for you to come. We gotta grind every single day just to make sure we don’t fall short when it comes to taking care of our kids. Even if we’re sick or our children are sick the show doesn’t stop, but the money we need to take care of home definitely does.  

Along with doing this alone comes depression, PPD, anger, burn out, always being tired and feeling like there are days you don’t have any energy to give your kid because you’ve given it to everything else. The most common thing women face out of all those or as I like to call it the package wrapped up in one is Post-Partum Depression. Which no one tells you doesn’t just last 6 months to a year after the baby is born. If not treated and sometimes even if treated can last for God knows how long. Being sad, not having interest in anything, not even having interest in your child, not wanting to be touched, always feeling like you’re gonna have a mental break down. All that alone can cause a woman to grow impatient and just wanna throw in the towel. But then she looks down at that beautiful smile and knows giving up or walking away isn’t an option no matter how bad she wants to.  

Does all this excuse how a child could possibly be treated? Absolutely not, not one bit. Does it suck that it takes a woman to commit suicide or end up hospitalized because she can’t handle all that’s being thrown at her because the father figured leaving would be a better option? Yeah it does. As a mom myself it’s days I yell at my son, my patience is thin, I’ll cry and breakdown in front of him because it just feels like too fucking much for one person to handle. But don’t let anyone hear that because then they feel that’s an invitation to say “well honey this is what you signed up for”. Yes, I very much understand at one point I had to put on my big girl panties and grind my ass off to make sure my kid was good. But, prior to, having to realize that no me being a single mom is not what the fuck I signed up for. Who the hell just says hey! You got a sign-up sheet for women who wanna raise a kid alone? Nobody in their right mind will ever say any shit like that at all.  

It doesn’t help that so MANY women are silent about things like this. So, when the next generation has children and have to face the sad reality, they will be doing it alone, a lot of the things they deal with seem un-normal or taboo because nobody ever wants to open their mouth and say shit. People just post on Facebook pictures of them smiling, being happy all the time, or when the baby is happy. Like we get it, you don’t wanna seem like the negative Nancy complaining on Facebook about how hard it is being a single mom but, at least be fucking honest with yourself and those around you. Don’t try and live this sugar-coated lifestyle for the sake of looking like you have it together. That alone makes people think even more you’re doing fine and have it altogether. Then when it all boils down and you GENUINELY need help people are in such shock, they can’t believe mommy can’t make a way.  

Like fuck man what ever happened to it takes a village to raise a baby? Now nobody wants to help. No one wants to give the mom a break. Don’t get me wrong no one is entitled to help you, but it’s nice when someone is willing to. It doesn’t even have to always be help, it can be a listening ear to vent, having someone run errands with you just so you have an actual adult to help you, or a shoulder to cry on when you feel like everything is coming crashing down.  

Nowadays these “villages” just want to come visit every blue moon, take pictures and videos with your baby on social media to make it seem like they’re involved, come over your house to hold baby, or criticize what you do as a parent or how you choose to raise your child. Nobody wants to step in anymore, it’s just the simple you help me and maybe just maybe I’ll help you. Like what the fuck ever happened to just let me help you without expecting any favors in return? This alone is why single moms won’t and don’t like asking for help because, there is always that well what can you give me person in the crowd of “support”.  

So, with all this being said, do mothers like the fact there are days they gotta short their kids? No. Do they like when shit becomes too much and they can exhibit toxic behavior? Not one bit. But, one thing we do need to do as brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, friends whatever role you play in a man’s life, is open up your fucking mouth and let a mf know when they are falling short and need to step their game up and take care of their child. It’s too many people caping for these men and act like they’re too afraid to say anything to them. Or better yet when they want to justify and pacify them when it comes time to be a father. Like no if I as a mother didn’t and don’t have the time to get myself together the man should not be given that luxury. Why? Because when they do choose to be a part of the kids’ life, the kid will see dad as the one they wanna be around, the one who can be a little less aggressive, the one who’s more fun to be around. Well of course daddy had the chance to grow, to heal, to have his fun. Not to say taking time for growth isn’t a good thing, but it still isn’t fair to the mom who is burnt out because she was forced to raise a kid that she didn’t make on her own….. 

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Sexualizing Children

Posted on by Jazmine Lee

You remember when you were younger hearing the term, “you need to go put some clothes on so and so will be coming over”. That was a never-ending thing but because you didn’t wanna challenge authority you never questioned it. Only to grow up realizing there was a possibility of a child molester or rapist being in your family. It just makes you wonder how far back did this go that it was deemed acceptable to wanna look out for a grown man/women’s best interest opposed to an innocent child who can’t defend themselves. Nowadays you see this more and more frequently. When a girl is dressed a certain way or just dressed normal, she will be called fast, and body shamed at an early age. Which down the line will only lead to her feeling ashamed of her temple that she barely even got the chance to learn to love. But it was never the case that little girl was fast. Mothers just didn’t have the balls to truly love their daughters the way they needed to be loved and it was and still is common for the father not to be around so the little girl sought out for love wherever she could get it. Even though all the way back in the 30’s and 40’s it was normal for a girl to get married young or for the guy she dated to be older even if she wasn’t of legal age. This day and age though nobody seem to give a damn about the fact, just because you’re 18 that doesn’t mean a damn thing. If I personally knew what all I do now at 18 I could’ve avoided a lot of the bullshit I had to deal with later down the line. The point in the matter is viewing little girls as grown women at an early age is the issue in itself. Girls these days can’t wear their hair a certain way, or wear a harmless spaghetti strap top without an older woman telling her she needs to cover up. The real question with this is although most women that have went through being raped, molested, or anything else at a young age, why do they seem to feel it’s a better idea to look out for someone that could potentially harm their children as opposed to removing that person from the environment and letting them know they aren’t welcome? Instead they force their girls to cover up, shame her for the rest of her life, then when she gets older just continues the same pattern with other young girls and her own children.  

That’s not even scratching the surface, it’s already bad enough sexualizing little boys is even worse because it’s so accepted it’s almost sickening. Before they’re even close to hitting puberty, boys are taught how necessary it is to have multiple girlfriends or how they will grow up to be a lady’s man. So now as the boy gets older he doesn’t view women in a positive light. All he feels is necessary is, to get in their pants or to make sure that he has a high body count. But nobody wants to talk about how boys can be molested or raped. Not even so much by men, but women more than anything. Since apparently losing your virginity by age 7 is a thing boys aren’t taught to understand. Nor is it not okay for a grown woman to be attracted to a young boy. Or if an older woman is touching them in a way that makes them uncomfortable to tell them to stop or to notify an adult. This alone is why so many boys have unresolved sexual trauma because they are taught so fucking early that this type of shit is okay when it’s really not. I myself am curious as to how it’s okay for women to even joke about a 5 or 6-year-old boy being their boyfriend even if it’s in a harmless way. A little kid won’t see it as harmless, they’ll just take it as a compliment that an older woman likes them. Haven’t yall ever heard the term more than not from a man, how he was always into older women? At a young age at that? What in the entire fuck is normal about boys having an attraction to older women unless there’s a possibility of them being molested. But hey don’t shoot the messenger for putting a title on something that’s so widely normalized by the world.  

Although, that is something we need to speak about is why are girls shamed so early on for their body but boys it’s damn near something worth giving them a gold medal for even losing their virginity? Or even better, why is it these days on Facebook ads or magazines do they have these little girls dressed in tight skirts, rompers, or tight clothing period? Even though a pedophile will always be a pedophile it’s almost as if they are trying to gear these types of ads to older men. Because, you really fucking think a baby boy is gonna look at a baby girl and say “damn she looks really good in that romper, or damn look at her legs!”. Hell no, ain’t no kid that young gonna say some shit like that. But, a grown man will, or maybe even dress it up and say I want my daughter to look like that. Look like what exactly? Please be more specific in what you’re referencing in the picture.  

Then the thing with that is it’s a double-edged sword. The media wants to aid in attracting grown men to these little girls and calling what they have on cute and stylish. Or labeling it as a “Mommy and Me” outfit set. But you get around these older generation and a girl can’t even wear a simple tank top and shorts because they don’t want grown men looking at them or eyeing them. It truly just seems like a constant battle between unresolved trauma from our aunts, grandmas, and so forth. Then we have the media damn near breeding men to be pedophiles and confuse their conscious into thinking these little girls are attractive.  

Let’s not add to the fact, how there are men who sit and will wait years for a woman to finally turn 18 just to date her. Or some won’t even wait till then they’ll date her when she’s 17 and start to mold her into the woman he wants her to be. But that alone is a topic for another day. Next time though you see a man or a woman sexualizing or belittling a child for being a child don’t be afraid to say something. More than likely the people that are doing this had it done to them so they see no issue in what they’re doing…… 

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