The question I had to ask myself, are you horny? Or are your creative juices begging to be played with? Now don’t get it twisted, sometimes you need to wet your whistle. But, in instances where you’re learning to call your power back and heal your womb, ehh not so much.

This was not an easy lesson let me just say this. It did show me though, aside from how sex driven people can be in this society, that there was a certain element when it comes to creativity that was lost. Where that lacked, the excessive need for instant gratification picked up. People had this expectation that if work beyond what they wanted was needed, well they weren’t doing it.

Which is more than likely why OnlyFans went up, casual sex increased, more people watching porn. It was easier to satisfy that itch when you had something readily available to digest. Now in no way shape or form is this a means of bashing sex workers, because these people are keeping them in work. At the same time, these workers can’t control who is a consumer of their content or WHY.

Now, in terms of womb or sacral energy. Our power lies in two areas, our Solar Plexus, and our Sacral Chakra. When we so easily give our power away whether it be to satisfy our ego, or to please other people. Essentially that energy we once had to pour into ourselves, is now depleted. So instead of really taking that time to pour back into ourselves, we’re searching for quick fixes.

You ever notice when you’ve just gotten done masturbating you feel drained? Or tired? In some instances this is because you have to find some way to give you a sense of energy. Now, speaking from experience. There’s been times, before I realized I had to actually be creative and do things that PLEASE ME, that I would masturbate and I was so tired after or couldn’t even put body products on.

At this time, I found out it was because after so long of putting others before myself, and doing things to make people happy as quick as possible was simply because I was avoiding doing the real work. Not so much shadow work, but the work to be HAPPY, and maintain that happiness. I was avoiding that shit like the plague.

We all may tend to think shadow work is hard to do. In some instances, facing our deep dark shadows can be scary. Almost as scary as checking your closet for monsters at night. But you wanna hear some scary shit? Maintaining happiness after you’ve released all that gunk, those bad memories, all the pain. Contrary to popular belief, while it is stated that it takes more muscles to frown than to smile. It does seem as though it takes more mental and physical power to be happy.

Showing up for yourself takes work, putting your passions and hobbies before the needs of other takes work, maintaining a positive mindset so that you can show up for the things you’re passionate about takes work. It’s not something that will happen overnight, or be a 1, 2, 3 done type of deal.

It starts off as baby steps. Maybe you start looking at things on Pinterest again related to something you love, or even seeing it on your FYP on TikTok. Then one day, you’ll get this urge to do the thing, or even buy the tools needed. Once you’ve got them, you’ll feel this intense rush wash over you as you get excited about all the things you can do or create. The final moment approaches, all that time of fighting to get back to the things you love has paid off. You create.

This was exactly how I felt after not baking for months, not writing for my blog, not doing readings, not crocheting, or even taking the baby steps to explore makeup again. This overwhelming sense of joy knowing that I didn’t have to share this with anyone. I was able to have this all to myself and relish in how happy it made me. Gleaming over what I had just created. As time went on those “urges”, seemed to subside. I became more aware of the moments that I was looking for a quick fix and I could make a conscious effort to stop myself before I went down that road again.

As I close this out I do wanna say, be gentle with yourself, take your time, don’t rush getting to the bigger picture. So that when you have the baby steps to look back on, you can do so and smile.