healing

Pheromones

Posted on by Jazmine Lee

 

His stubble grazing her skin

Feeling the warmth of his breath

On her inner thigh. 

She melts into the bed as she takes a deep breath. 

Inhaling her scent, blood rushes to his membership.

Slowly separating her lips, his eyes widen with admiration. 

Her pink clit starting back at him. 

He smiles just as he inhales her again.

He slowly moves his tongue across her lips, 

Bring her clit onto his tastebuds. 

She shudders. 

Feeling every wave of shock hitting her body. 

Grinding her clit across his lips, his tongue enters her, her body surrenders. 

Sticking and sucking, throbbing and pulsating. 

Her waves build. 

Firmly grasping her hips he places her back down. 

She feels his cold fingers enter inside her, as his tongue circles her clit. 

Her body shaking uncontrollably, she begs him to let her come. 

Just as her body rises and falls, he stops.

His zipper unlatching, vision blurry, he places himself inside her. 

Placing soft kisses on her cheek, he melts inside of her. 

Circling his hips, her juices spilling out, she lets out a moan. 

Pulling him closer to her, she whispers, “it’s so good to have you home”. 

ADHD, Astral Travel, & Everything In-between

Posted on by Jazmine Lee

Reading time: 8 minutes and 40 seconds

So most know the general things of what people with ADHD deal with, but not the dark and ugly things. One of the symptoms of ADHD that is not talked about is suicide. Oftentimes people go a great deal of their lives being undiagnosed. This can cause issues with confidence and low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and for some isolation. Another issue alongside being undiagnosed that a lot of neurodivergent people face is misdiagnosis. Oftentimes when being evaluated, Doctors will only see the symptoms present of anxiety and depression. These symptoms are often caused by the lack of hormones present that are needed for the brain to function properly. As time goes on lack of these hormones makes it harder for the body to regulate itself. This can show up as a lack of focus, memory issues, motivation, basic hygiene, and interest in hobbies, just to name a few. Naturally, when a doctor hears these things the first thing, they go to is depression or anxiety, but they never address the root issue of the problem.

Story Time

When the root issue is never addressed it can cause people to either attempt to commit suicide because of feeling like a prisoner living in or body, or for some the ideation of suicide as a means of escape. This brings me to my own story of how I have dealt with both suicide attempts as well as ideation. Alongside this, I speak on how after thinking that the issue had been resolved and I was on the road to healing it showed up in unexpected ways.

I have had attempts, ideations, and thoughts of suicide in the past. As time went on life was good, nothing major was taking place that impeded my mental health. Fast forward to the year 2020, it decided to reintroduce itself. I was pregnant with my daughter and had a 4-year-old son. I was in a bad place mentally that only 1-3 people knew about, and even less understood the depths of that pain. I was in the darkest place I have been in, in my life. Having to decide to bring another child earthside and potentially place myself in a position where my son, whom I suspected had autism would not get the full attention he deserved because outside of my mom, I had no major familial support that did not come with a price. So, as I lay in bed where most of my days were spent, I told myself, I cannot go a day longer, if I continue like this, I will end up killing myself. Those words echoed through my mind. As I thought, damn I have been suicide thought/ideation free for about 6 years. Why is this coming up now? Either way, I had to make a tough decision and let my daughter go.

Fast forward again to another dark time in my life, my emotions and mental health were at their worst. I was struggling to get up out of my bed, keep up with my hygiene, and be mentally present overall. The thought crept in once again. This time it took me back to an evaluation I had in January. The psychiatrist asked the big question “Have you tried to commit or have had thoughts of suicide in the past?” To which I replied “Yes.” The psychiatrist responded, so what happened to those thoughts? I said you know I do not know. She said they never went away. I was again free of those thoughts when I just placed them in my back pocket for safekeeping. 6 months later I came across a list of things that both men and women deal with when they have ADHD. “Sadness, anxiety, forgetfulness, depression, suicidal ideation….” Did I think ideation? As I had been seeing that word for months. So, I chose to google it, “suicidal ideation is when there are no attempts, but you often think of it as a means of escape.” I then realized those thoughts never left, they just transformed into something different. Someone would argue it was progress because I went from unsuccessful attempts to thoughts to ideation.

The issue with this was this was not the end of it. Upon recent revelations with a life coach, I realized again, that the ideations had resurfaced but in a new and improved form. Astral travel. I am sure you are wondering how can wanting to take your life be connected to astral travel.

You see, I have been learning since 2020 how to astral travel. Over that course of time, not only did I learn how to navigate my dreams, I learned how to control them so that I was able to come and go as I please. Allowing me to wake up at any moment when I was fed up with the dream. Around the time I was pregnant now that I think about it. Over time I became particularly good at it, to say the least. But it was not until I realized I stopped meditating at night and my sleep was of lesser quality. What hit me was that my reality was too much for my nervous system some days.

Sleep became a source of you guessed it, escapism. So now, what should have been used to help replenish my body, became a source of me energetically running rampant. Causing me to be exhausted in the mornings. So now, I am in a space where my nighttime routine MUST be intentional. I must make it a priority to shut my mind and body down, journal, brain dump, or whatever to prepare my body to rest and recharge. It blew my mind when this revelation came up in the session, simply because I told myself I thought I was breaking out of the escapism cycle, just for it to manifest in other areas of my life.

Now you see the issue with my nighttime routine is when it is not successful it bleeds into the new day ahead. I just recently started medication for my ADHD, even though the doctors only see it as anxiety and depression. So now, my mood has improved, I have been paying more attention to my body and hunger cues, my mood has been steady (for the most part), and I can get more done. But now there still tends to be a smidge of struggle with tasks. Which may or may not be fully normal. Given I have only been on medication for about a week and a few days.

Being on this medication has made me very aware of how badly ADHD/anxiety/depression can heavily affect not only a person’s day-to-day but also their mental health. It also in a sense released a fog that seemed as though it had been in my face for years. It is as though I was here, but I was not here you know. So now that I have these newfound sightings and levels of awareness, I want to use them to spread even more awareness of how ADHD impacts people. Most days ADHD feels like a silent epidemic that is slowly killing people’s spirits. Now that may not be the case for everyone, but there is a major part of the community that it has an impact on. With no one to be a soundboard for the struggles that it is we face. ADHD/Autism and many other neurological disorders have gained traction on social media, specifically TikTok. I can only hope more solutions and groundbreaking information can be discovered and spread.

Resources

Some resources that I personally use that have helped me are going to therapy, thought dumping (which consists of getting all your thoughts on paper), getting a life coach, taking spiritual baths, reading books about ADHD so that I can learn to understand myself better, taking medication, drinking herbal teas, breaking tasks up rather than trying to do everything all at once, having groceries delivered, confiding in someone you trust about the struggles you face.

Down below I will link an e-book that has helped me, along with a book for those who deal with ADHD. I have found both very helpful and insightful when it comes to gaining more knowledge. Some coping skills I have acquired and will explain below are body doubling, utilizing timers and alarms, writing important dates down in both my phone and on a calendar, buying certain foods precut, utilizing apps such as NaturalReader, having music playing during certain activities, on a rare occasion coffee just to name a few.

Tips & Tricks

Now to explain in depth what each one means:

  1. Body doubling refers to having someone present whether it be in the room or on a device such as phone call or video chat. This helps the person trying to complete a task to keep them motivated and also held accountable.
  2. Utilizing alarms and timers. Most people with ADHD deal with something called time blindness where they are not fully aware of time and can tend to get distracted. Having alarms serves as a reminder for the tasks that need to be completed. Whereas a timer helps to keep you on track and if breaks are needed allow the person a visual aid to be aware of how much time of the task is left.
  3. Writing down important dates. Doing this by phone allows me to see at any time when I have something important that is coming up. One setting that iPhones have is you can set it to give a reminder every day, or whenever you choose so that you get notified of it. I also like the idea of it making an alarm sound so that I am aware of what I have going on. As for writing them on Calendars, I love doing this because I am a visual person and on top of seeing it in my phone, having a calendar to look at every day is extremely helpful.
  4. Buying precut foods. This has been one of my best tricks yet. Having ADHD, we don’t always view things as a task, we view them as steps. So, when we are cooking, we don’t say, “Oh I have to make this, this, and this.” We view it as I have to cut this, chop this, peel this, dice this. This alone makes preparing meals more dreadful and less likely to be done. Buying certain foods that are available pre-cut saves you time and energy and makes cooking a bit easier. I also want to add to this, buying easy to make meals such as boil in a bag rice, pre-made pastas already in a sauce, snacks, fruit/meat and cheese platters, getting meals catered to substitute meal planning just to name a few.
  5. Utilizing the application Natural Reader. Y’all when I tell you this was an absolute game changer for me. I stumbled upon this while in school when I realized I could not retain anything I was reading to save my damn life. The one thing I like about this is the variety of files you can upload whether through a link, PDF, or copy and paste. It also allows you to choose the voice of the reader, the speed, and much more! An added bonus is it’s FREE, now some features do cost money, but it is rare you will need to use them.
  6. Drinking coffee. Now this will vary from person to person, but for some, the way the coffee interacts with the chemicals in the body it has a grounding/calming effect. So, it allows you to be able to focus and get things done.
  7. Lastly, having music playing. This is similar to having white/brown noise, it allows you to have some type of background noise to cancel out the noise in your mind. Which allows you to focus and get more things done.

Now, for the e-books and tools!

This a book recently written by Jane Kennedy. In her book she explains different terms, includes scenarios, goes in depth about what ADHD and how it affects the brain and the body. You can purchase her book here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CRBJDTWC

This last tip is a guide I found on TikTok by the name of Kunal Pathade. In this guide you will find 42 tips and tricks to better assist you. The e-book can be found here: https://stan.store/KunalPathade/p/get-my-templateebookcourse-now-x37hy

Spirit Babies: Life on The Other Side

Posted on by Jazmine Lee

For most that aren’t familiar, I’ve spoken about spirit babies on my Podcast, What’s Up Under That? Spirit babies are babies of the spiritual plane, who will often communicate with you or a spiritual consultant (such as an intuitive reader, psychic, etc) on their arrival or things they’re wanting you to work through to prepare for their arrival.

Often they can be either in a baby form, toddler, teen, or even an adult. Now, I’m sure you say, how is that? While the term “Spirit Baby” isn’t synopsis to baby per se, it can truly vary in the tone in which they speak. Or the memories they hold with you from either past lives, or even your childhood, down to certain periods in your life. Some spirit babies have the duty of your Spiritual or as most call it Spirit Guide.

Some children’s responsibility is to help you with their soon-to-be siblings, some are to help you with things you may need to work on within yourself, and for some, it’s simply helping you to work and heal the relationship with your womb, to have a healthy pregnancy and carry them to term. Others may have a specific duty in life to fulfill and making sure you’re prepared to be a parent is a part of that. Think of it like this, what if Michael Jackson or Prince, or even Jhene Aikos’ parents never had them? These are spiritual beings who had a very specific purpose to fulfill and a duty on this earth. To uplift and shift the vibration of those around them through their music, and their pure intentions. Also to break the barriers of what music is. This is just a slight example to show you, one of the many ways spirit babies have a duty to this world. Even if it’s simply just you birthing them, they crave to fulfill that.

Now, there may also be times when a miscarriage happens, or an abortion and these children don’t make it. Oftentimes, it’s simply because it wasn’t the right time, the right person or the baby just wasn’t ready yet. In my own experience, I had to have an abortion. In my case, it was the wrong time and the wrong person. Yes, spirit babies can be born to the wrong people in their anxious efforts to come to earth side. In some cases, they are born to parents who have karma, never worked through said karma, and are now responsible to help transmute that and break the barriers. This can be known as generational curses. A cycle which, has been perpetually continued, until that one spirit baby is born and puts an end to all that.

Another thing I’d like to speak on is when spirit babies are in contact with their earth-side siblings. As I spoke above, about my own experience with mines, I’ve seen and bared witness to just how much they connect not only with me, their grandmother, or friends of mines to deliver messages, but with my son. It’ll be times when he gets in trouble for doing something, something that most kids would get in trouble if they had a partner in crime. Or instances where he may voice how badly he wants a baby brother or sister. Being a Gemini, that’s uncommon. As they do crave to have siblings, if not they tend to nurture the connections close to them.

It’s amazing to see the capacity in which these spirit babies will interact with you. Some may send signs such as Angel numbers (to get a full guide on Angel numbers and their meanings you can purchase mines for $1.11 here https://payhip.com/b/lZvYA), colors, numbers, and even things that they love. For example, my spirit babies (yes bringing back a friend lol) love the colors purple, and army green. What’s funny about that is, those are two of my moms’ favorite colors. So there may even be times when they tend to stay close to those around them or even family members they trust. My mom was known for tending to her grandchildren, and always remaining close. So they stayed near her before I even fully knew they existed. Which has been quite the thing to see.

There have even been instances when spirit babies are excited for their arrival, you can see their orb floating by either the mother-to-be or the father as well. In my case, some spirit babies can seem very shy at first, while others are very vocal. But, towards the end of the pregnancy, they can seem to simmer down. Either from helping the other parent, or assisting them rather, in preparation for their arrival, or simply as they prepare to come into this world. Some spirit babies prepare to meet you, while others may prepare to meet their adoptive parents. The one thing that rings true, these babies do choose their parents. Based on their karmic contract and duties to fulfill. An example is the little boy, or adult rather named Dave from the book A Child Called It. It’s crazy to think, a spirit baby would’ve chosen a brutally abusive mother, who would be the reason for all his pain and suffering. But, as Dave got older, and went on to write, over 3 books detailing his experience. In a way to not only share his story but to bring a sense of hope to those who share stories alike. Showing them they are more than their pain and trauma. They are capable and deserving of living a happy and full life. Just by him sharing what happened on his own. Not to mention, getting married, book tours, and to my knowledge, public speaking engagements.

To tie things up, the point I’m wanting to drive home is all these babies have a purpose, and strive to fulfill that in whatever way is deemed fit. So while people may say, do we choose our parents? We indeed do. What comes with that, is merely something our vessels cannot comprehend. But, our spirit knows.

Creative Juices

Posted on by Jazmine Lee

The question I had to ask myself, are you horny? Or are your creative juices begging to be played with? Now don’t get it twisted, sometimes you need to wet your whistle. But, in instances where you’re learning to call your power back and heal your womb, ehh not so much.

This was not an easy lesson let me just say this. It did show me though, aside from how sex driven people can be in this society, that there was a certain element when it comes to creativity that was lost. Where that lacked, the excessive need for instant gratification picked up. People had this expectation that if work beyond what they wanted was needed, well they weren’t doing it.

Which is more than likely why OnlyFans went up, casual sex increased, more people watching porn. It was easier to satisfy that itch when you had something readily available to digest. Now in no way shape or form is this a means of bashing sex workers, because these people are keeping them in work. At the same time, these workers can’t control who is a consumer of their content or WHY.

Now, in terms of womb or sacral energy. Our power lies in two areas, our Solar Plexus, and our Sacral Chakra. When we so easily give our power away whether it be to satisfy our ego, or to please other people. Essentially that energy we once had to pour into ourselves, is now depleted. So instead of really taking that time to pour back into ourselves, we’re searching for quick fixes.

You ever notice when you’ve just gotten done masturbating you feel drained? Or tired? In some instances this is because you have to find some way to give you a sense of energy. Now, speaking from experience. There’s been times, before I realized I had to actually be creative and do things that PLEASE ME, that I would masturbate and I was so tired after or couldn’t even put body products on.

At this time, I found out it was because after so long of putting others before myself, and doing things to make people happy as quick as possible was simply because I was avoiding doing the real work. Not so much shadow work, but the work to be HAPPY, and maintain that happiness. I was avoiding that shit like the plague.

We all may tend to think shadow work is hard to do. In some instances, facing our deep dark shadows can be scary. Almost as scary as checking your closet for monsters at night. But you wanna hear some scary shit? Maintaining happiness after you’ve released all that gunk, those bad memories, all the pain. Contrary to popular belief, while it is stated that it takes more muscles to frown than to smile. It does seem as though it takes more mental and physical power to be happy.

Showing up for yourself takes work, putting your passions and hobbies before the needs of other takes work, maintaining a positive mindset so that you can show up for the things you’re passionate about takes work. It’s not something that will happen overnight, or be a 1, 2, 3 done type of deal.

It starts off as baby steps. Maybe you start looking at things on Pinterest again related to something you love, or even seeing it on your FYP on TikTok. Then one day, you’ll get this urge to do the thing, or even buy the tools needed. Once you’ve got them, you’ll feel this intense rush wash over you as you get excited about all the things you can do or create. The final moment approaches, all that time of fighting to get back to the things you love has paid off. You create.

This was exactly how I felt after not baking for months, not writing for my blog, not doing readings, not crocheting, or even taking the baby steps to explore makeup again. This overwhelming sense of joy knowing that I didn’t have to share this with anyone. I was able to have this all to myself and relish in how happy it made me. Gleaming over what I had just created. As time went on those “urges”, seemed to subside. I became more aware of the moments that I was looking for a quick fix and I could make a conscious effort to stop myself before I went down that road again.

As I close this out I do wanna say, be gentle with yourself, take your time, don’t rush getting to the bigger picture. So that when you have the baby steps to look back on, you can do so and smile.

Observing vs Absorbing

Posted on by Jazmine Lee


Reading Time: 3 minutes and 35 seconds

Recently I discovered something about my son.  He showed me the difference between transmuting energy and suppressing (or absorbing) it. Now let me tell you all the backstory behind this realization. 

I was sitting on the couch, zoned out crocheting this Queen Size Amethyst colored blanket. While doing this I noticed my mind was quiet. My thought wasn’t running rampant, everything was very settled and grounded. As I’m doing this, my son is calmly playing with his toys. Now, I say calmly because he’s usually bouncing off the walls jumping from activity to activity. I’m not always the best at managing my energy. Or finding ways to manage or allow my emotions to flow. 

This just means, what I don’t transmute, ends up being suppressed. Some ways can be, via overeating; boredom eating, mindlessly scrolling on social media, and going from task to task. While not completing a single thing. Essentially running away from my problems, or emotions I should say. Me viewing these emotions, as a problem. 

When I took the time to ground my energy, by crocheting, I noticed there wasn’t anything for him to transmute. Being a Gemini, his nervous system is always picking up something. This is why, teaching them (Geminis), to observe and not absorb is crucial. While maintaining the energy of their environment as well. Geminis are almost like Richter scales, picking up on any sudden changes that could cause a major shift in the energy. 

Now, of course, this will vary from Gem to Gem. But, per my observation over time. Geminis have to flourish in a healthy environment. They have to be taught how to discern their energy, from everyone else’s. When their nervous system goes haywire, it will, and/or can result in, alcohol and substance abuse, sex addiction, being major people pleasers, and an array of things. Especially engaging in negative behavior or social circles. 

A lot of the time, Geminis have to go through periods of isolation. This can be at random, or when dealing with mass amounts of energy. This allows them space to recharge, cleanse, and find what works for them. While also processing the information they’ve absorbed. 

Some healthy ways to help them transmute this energy at the moment are, taking deep breaths and doing check-ins, paying attention to energy shifts (observing it, vs absorbing); this will help them to avoid being the “fixer” in a situation. If able, remove themselves from the situation and/or environment. The last thing needed is to engage when emotions are high. Especially if you’re more of a react, vs a respond type of person. 

Another way to help transmute the energy is by engaging in hobbies that you love. When you’re able to redirect your energy, this allows you to detach yourself from the energy that’s present. Now, this won’t look the same all the time. As I stated in the beginning, at that time my energy wasn’t grounded. My son wasn’t in the right place mentally and kept getting frustrated. I said my peace, so instead of engaging in his behavior and absorbing it. I decided to transmute it and crochet. 

Now this is something I’ve been working on. More so because I’m a Gemini Venus. When I’m not operating in love, or doing things that I love and please me. I can be very scattered when I’m not operating from that place. This also includes doing things that please me. Checking your natal chart and seeing where Gemini falls, your 3rd house, as well as Mercury, can help to see how you can utilize that energy to keep you grounded. 

Say you have Gemini in your Venus or 2nd house. Ways you can transmute energy by doing things that de-stimulate your senses or rather soothe them. So doing puzzles, utilizing aromatherapy, taking a supplement (always consult your dr), listening to HZ sounds or binaural beats, and lastly, watching something that feels comforting. 

I will link the below calculators to human design charts I use, along with natal chart calculators. These can help you better to navigate the ways you learn to observe vs absorb the energy around you. Please be aware, your accurate birth time, date, city and state are required in order to get an accurate insight on these tools. 

Human Design: https://www.myhumandesign.com/get-your-chart/

Natal Chart: https://astro.cafeastrology.com/natal.php

Twin Flame Journey

Posted on by Jazmine Lee

I was originally going to write a post regarding to mirroring with the Twin Flame Journey but I figured I’d save that for another time. The biggest question that people ask is, what is a Twin Flame? A twin flame is someone of the same soul that you are reincarnated to earth with for several reasons. One of the biggest reasons being a catalyst for your healing journey.

When you first meet your twin flame it feels like a sense of recognition like you’ve known them before, almost like a sense of love at first sight. Except it isn’t your physical body that loves them, it’s your spirit. Upon meeting it feels like the cupcake stages of a relationship, everything seems so perfect and like you have so much in common. Which in all actuality you do. But then that’s when the Yellow flags start to present themselves. By Yellow I mean its subtle not too harsh things you notice about this person, but don’t pay much attention to them. Not so much because you’re ignoring them, but simply because, this is the start of the catalyst for your healing.

The first thing that you truly learn on this journey is a sense of self worth, boundaries, and how to say no. As time goes on this persons mask starts to fall and you see them for who they are. In most instances, these things were already there. The issue was the sense of love bombing that was going on and the heavy infatuation that caused you not to see the signs.

Now the biggest thing I’ve noticed with this journey is, not just the lack of accountability on the Divine Masculine’s (energy not gender) part. But the Divine feminine not taking accountability for her own actions and the things that it is that she’s allowed. In the beginning of this journey for the most part what triggers you is generally what you need to work on within yourself. Now is that to say that everything this person does will be something that’s within you? Not at all. But it will help you to see areas of your life that needed to be observed and things that needed to be changed.

The biggest lesson that I’ve learned on this journey is to ask myself “Why does this bother me? Why am I reacting in this way?”. A lot of the things this person does you won’t realize are things that you do as well, until later on. For the simple fact that healing happens in layers. Which is why for some reaching “union” feels like it takes too long. But, who said healing had a start and an end date? The main focus is going on a journey to rediscover who YOU are. Most people find this to be a task, instead of an investment into themselves. When you truly take the time out to call your power back and pour all of that energy into you. You will soon see how much you chose to neglect yourself by putting your happiness last, as means to make everyone else around you happy.

That alone is a hard truth for many people to face, why? Because at that point all the fingers that were once being pointed are directed at you. Then you see you have to take accountability for a lot of things in your life. It angers you at first when you realize not only with this connection have you so freely gave your power away. But to so many people, places, and things.

Thank you for going on this journey with me! If you’d like a part two or have any other questions feel free to send them to my email at brujastoblunts@gmail.com or send me a message on Instagram brujastoblunts.llc.

Triggered

Posted on by Jazmine Lee

One thing that I’ve learned is, everything that other people do isn’t always directed towards you. So don’t take everything so damn personal. Now that’s easier said than done because, when you’re going through shit everything triggers you. Even when you’re not everything can rub you in a wrong way. A lot of people in order to prevent them from thinking about it will suppress those emotions, or the memories, or a situation. Sometimes it’s not even so much that we do it, our brain will do it in that moment in time to protect us in a sense.  

I was just telling my mom yesterday “healing is fucking hard, it sucks, and it’s time consuming”. That’s why with anything you do it’s always good to try and take a step back and be aware of what you do or say and how it can affect someone. Sometimes that’s not always possible due to the circumstances we may be in at that moment in time. But always if you’re able be mindful of how you treat other people. You could either be playing a role in something that could potentially damage them and down the line have an effect on how they do things in life, or possibly trigger them.

Now, this isn’t to say that you have to walk on eggshells with everyone because, that’s the way society thinks now a days. You can’t say or do the wrong thing without offending someone. While there is some truth to this, I feel too it’s a cop out to be able to treat people like shit at times and label it as joking when the person gets upset or gets offended. This alone is why people have such a fucking hard time with ACCOUNTABILITY. It’s always easier to place blame on someone else for offending them, rather than accepting you were being a disrespectful asshole and didn’t think twice about what you were saying to them. People make it seem like thinking before you speak is such a hard thing to do or it’s a week long process that requires way too much effort. When in all actuality it takes a whole hell of a lot less time than you think.  

Even with all of that, it draws back to if you haven’t already you need to evaluate on why things other people are doing is triggering you. It’ll be times people aren’t doing something or saying something with malicious intent specifically to hurt you. It may just be you have some unresolved trauma you need to come to terms with and work on. As I tell people all the time healing is easier said than done. You’re constantly having to hold yourself accountable, analyzing things that you do, revisiting painful moments in your life that you tried to hard to bury. The list goes on. But, using this as an example. Water also in terms of tarot cards is a symbol of our emotions, feelings, and our heart. Also, when water is in a place it shouldn’t be or stagnant so to speak it collects and picks up things that it shouldn’t and it stays there until it’s poured out or removed from the environment causing this. It’s the same with you, when you’re okay with being stagnant everything will seem like it’s piling up all at once and instead of changing your behavior or taking a look around or within to see why this is you use things to suppress it. Such as weed, alcohol, pills, other people, sex, hobbies, eating when you’re not hungry. Now this isn’t to make you feel like you’re being judged. But, it is to make you think are you doing these things because, you simply enjoy them. Or has it become out of habit and you’ve labeled them as things you like doing just because. That’s always the hardest part, having to come to terms with things that may also be considered a trigger. Then, from that point forward it causes you to be more aware of your emotions and how exactly it is that you react to something or the emotions that surface when someone triggers you. Now, I’m not saying you gotta face all your triggers in one day, but next time you notice yourself getting angry, sad, or reacting to something take a step back and ask yourself why?  

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Home Ain’t Always Where The Heart is

Posted on by Jazmine Lee

I’ve seen too often parents will say “oh I’m doing it for the kids” or “I’m staying for the kids”. While that may be well and true what kind of example are you setting by staying in a toxic relationship? No matter what you say, kids go off of actions. You can tell a child don’t be like me everyday, but if you’re not leading by example that won’t always be the case.

You see too often people are so concerned with wanting to keep up a certain family image, wanting to appear happy, wanting everyone to think their home is happy while suffering in that same home.

As a parent I get it, no parents wants to see their child not be able to have both parents in the home. Having to choose who’s parents home they wanna go to for holidays, birthdays, all of that. But their comes a time as a parent you have to put your happiness first and for lack of a better word say “fuck them kids”. Now don’t take this seriously y’all. I say that to say, how the fuck do you expect your children to be happy if you aren’t happy??? How do you expect to model a happy home, marriage, self love to your children if you are unable to practice that. Regardless to what you allow children to SEE they are beings of energy before anything. What you don’t always say they themselves can FEEL. Especially when an argument taken place that energy still lingers.

Being a single mom I had to make a very hard decision that my son wasn’t going to be able to have that standard picture perfect family I’d dreamt of. But you wanna know what else I told myself? It will be okay. I had to tell myself although I am not able to go on with the family I started I can always find someone else. Every day I had to say “sometimes you won’t end with the ones you started with” and that is OKAY.

One thing I do know is of importance is making sure you and that  person are mentally, emotionally, and financially stable equally to want to make a child together. Just off the strength every child deserves to have both mommy and daddy. Now that’s not to say even if you have all this that things won’t still end up going south. But it’s always good to have that foundation, that way you’re off to a good start.

All in all what I want you to take from this is don’t allow your children to suffer for you own selfishness. Sometimes the best thing you can do is leave so your children can see you happy. Will there be ups and downs to them not seeing mommy and daddy together everyday? Of course. Will they eventually get through it by you also being compassionate and understanding this is a transition for them? Most definitely. But always remember your children’s happiness starts with you being happy…..

Where Did We Go Wrong?

Posted on by Jazmine Lee

I was on Facebook the other day and a guy I’m friends with posted a picture of him and his mom and just the way he respects women and treats them like Goddesses is something I’ve never witnessed. Then thinking that it brought me to how so many men are heartless, cold, rude towards women, see them as objects and not human beings.

So many times as women we blame men for how they act but don’t take the time out to hold the number one woman accountable, their mother. As mothers it is our job to love our sons unconditionally. With that comes allowing them to freely express their emotions, letting them see us at our weakest moment, educating them on our bodies, how we act the way we do. All the things that makes us wombman. How can you expect your child to have any sense of empathy when he can’t even see the number one woman in his life be vulnerable?

Too often we don’t want our sons seeing us struggle, cry, having pretty much any type of emotions. Then when they get older and start to date they expect just about every woman to take whatever life throws at her including him. He expects his woman to be strong no matter what. Because of course this is what his mother displayed to him.

Now as a mom myself I get it. You don’t WANT your children to see you struggle because as children it’s not their job to worry. You don’t want to be an emotional burden. You don’t wanna rob them of their childhood. But honey shit happens. If you look at those things as a negative that is the type of light that will get shown on them. But if you look at it as, I’m showing my son how I am not just as a mother but as a woman he will grow up and have a lot more respect for women.

This isn’t to say if a man doesn’t see this he won’t respect women. But he’ll have A LOT more respect so to speak because he’s seen the woman whom gave birth to him in all states. Weight loss, weight gain, happy, sad, depressed, angry, broke, lots of money, you get my drift.

That alone is why as a mom I let my son see it all. He’s seen me at all my stages good and bad. I also as he allows me to express myself good or bad, allow him to do the same. We as women and parents have to realize our children hold space for us unapologetically and still love us the same. It’s time we do the same for our suns and allow them the space to be themselves. That means the attitude, as hard that will be. The crying, tantrums, being overly excited over something that may seem small to us but MAJOR to them. When their feelings are hurt helping them to understand their feelings and letting them know it’s OKAY to feel this. Then further explaining what they are feeling so they won’t grow up thinking something is wrong or what most have said this isn’t me.

I hope after reading this it will help to shed some light on how our sons deserve to be loved and treated as they are our Future…..

“Analyze” by Ashley K. Boyd

Posted on by Jazmine Lee

“I’m sorry baby, I promise it won’t happen again” he says, and to your mind it won’t. He didn’t mean to it was an accident right? If you hadn’t did what you did he wouldn’t have gotten this mad. All these thoughts that run through your mind, as those dried up tears rest upon your face, and those black and blue marks start to surface on your skin. Ha, yeah he won’t do it again. Maybe next time it’ll be better. Yeah! It had to be me right? Wait….or was it me? You ask yourself over and over again whilst the room is a perfect metaphor of your heart. Shaken up, destroyed, but knowing it can easily be cleaned up. Staring off into space trying to break free of the mental chains he’s placed you under, you try to stand up only to be greeted by a black eye. It’s okay, it’s fine! I simply fell and hit my eye…wait no…no one will believe that. Now you pace the room trying to figure out how did you black your eye…you stand there searching for reasons your eye could’ve gotten this way. Your subconscious is running a mile a minute trying to aid in his rescue. But, are you sure he won’t do it again? No of course he won’t! Why would you ever say something so disrespectful when I know it was my fault! Walking through the living room telling yourself “I’ll get this cleaned up in no time!”. Once I’m done I’ll get dinner started and it’ll be as though it never happened. Your subconscious crying for you to leave before things get worse, knowing they’ll get worse. Your judgement being so cloudy, not even seeing it was never your fault. You may want to forget but your body never will. When he goes to kiss you you’ll stare into his eyes with hesitancy not knowing if you’ve said something wrong. Then you realize your lips have not separated to utter a single sentence….as you go to get dressed he’ll see the bruises on your skin and ask what happened? Your mind says is he fucking crazy? What happened? Calming the raging bull saying “I must’ve fallen when I was cleaning up earlier”. It’s no biggie it’ll go away! You go to wash the day off only to be greeted by aches and pains he’s placed on your body. Standing there as the shower water beats your skin, a tear rolls down your face as your body tries so hard to forget the pain you’re feeling.

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