Trauma | Brujas, Blunts, and Everything Inbetween

ADHD, Astral Travel, & Everything In-between

Posted on February 17, 2024 by Jazmine Lee

Reading time: 8 minutes and 40 seconds

So most know the general things of what people with ADHD deal with, but not the dark and ugly things. One of the symptoms of ADHD that is not talked about is suicide. Oftentimes people go a great deal of their lives being undiagnosed. This can cause issues with confidence and low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and for some isolation. Another issue alongside being undiagnosed that a lot of neurodivergent people face is misdiagnosis. Oftentimes when being evaluated, Doctors will only see the symptoms present of anxiety and depression. These symptoms are often caused by the lack of hormones present that are needed for the brain to function properly. As time goes on lack of these hormones makes it harder for the body to regulate itself. This can show up as a lack of focus, memory issues, motivation, basic hygiene, and interest in hobbies, just to name a few. Naturally, when a doctor hears these things the first thing, they go to is depression or anxiety, but they never address the root issue of the problem.

Story Time

When the root issue is never addressed it can cause people to either attempt to commit suicide because of feeling like a prisoner living in or body, or for some the ideation of suicide as a means of escape. This brings me to my own story of how I have dealt with both suicide attempts as well as ideation. Alongside this, I speak on how after thinking that the issue had been resolved and I was on the road to healing it showed up in unexpected ways.

I have had attempts, ideations, and thoughts of suicide in the past. As time went on life was good, nothing major was taking place that impeded my mental health. Fast forward to the year 2020, it decided to reintroduce itself. I was pregnant with my daughter and had a 4-year-old son. I was in a bad place mentally that only 1-3 people knew about, and even less understood the depths of that pain. I was in the darkest place I have been in, in my life. Having to decide to bring another child earthside and potentially place myself in a position where my son, whom I suspected had autism would not get the full attention he deserved because outside of my mom, I had no major familial support that did not come with a price. So, as I lay in bed where most of my days were spent, I told myself, I cannot go a day longer, if I continue like this, I will end up killing myself. Those words echoed through my mind. As I thought, damn I have been suicide thought/ideation free for about 6 years. Why is this coming up now? Either way, I had to make a tough decision and let my daughter go.

Fast forward again to another dark time in my life, my emotions and mental health were at their worst. I was struggling to get up out of my bed, keep up with my hygiene, and be mentally present overall. The thought crept in once again. This time it took me back to an evaluation I had in January. The psychiatrist asked the big question “Have you tried to commit or have had thoughts of suicide in the past?” To which I replied “Yes.” The psychiatrist responded, so what happened to those thoughts? I said you know I do not know. She said they never went away. I was again free of those thoughts when I just placed them in my back pocket for safekeeping. 6 months later I came across a list of things that both men and women deal with when they have ADHD. “Sadness, anxiety, forgetfulness, depression, suicidal ideation….” Did I think ideation? As I had been seeing that word for months. So, I chose to google it, “suicidal ideation is when there are no attempts, but you often think of it as a means of escape.” I then realized those thoughts never left, they just transformed into something different. Someone would argue it was progress because I went from unsuccessful attempts to thoughts to ideation.

The issue with this was this was not the end of it. Upon recent revelations with a life coach, I realized again, that the ideations had resurfaced but in a new and improved form. Astral travel. I am sure you are wondering how can wanting to take your life be connected to astral travel.

You see, I have been learning since 2020 how to astral travel. Over that course of time, not only did I learn how to navigate my dreams, I learned how to control them so that I was able to come and go as I please. Allowing me to wake up at any moment when I was fed up with the dream. Around the time I was pregnant now that I think about it. Over time I became particularly good at it, to say the least. But it was not until I realized I stopped meditating at night and my sleep was of lesser quality. What hit me was that my reality was too much for my nervous system some days.

Sleep became a source of you guessed it, escapism. So now, what should have been used to help replenish my body, became a source of me energetically running rampant. Causing me to be exhausted in the mornings. So now, I am in a space where my nighttime routine MUST be intentional. I must make it a priority to shut my mind and body down, journal, brain dump, or whatever to prepare my body to rest and recharge. It blew my mind when this revelation came up in the session, simply because I told myself I thought I was breaking out of the escapism cycle, just for it to manifest in other areas of my life.

Now you see the issue with my nighttime routine is when it is not successful it bleeds into the new day ahead. I just recently started medication for my ADHD, even though the doctors only see it as anxiety and depression. So now, my mood has improved, I have been paying more attention to my body and hunger cues, my mood has been steady (for the most part), and I can get more done. But now there still tends to be a smidge of struggle with tasks. Which may or may not be fully normal. Given I have only been on medication for about a week and a few days.

Being on this medication has made me very aware of how badly ADHD/anxiety/depression can heavily affect not only a person’s day-to-day but also their mental health. It also in a sense released a fog that seemed as though it had been in my face for years. It is as though I was here, but I was not here you know. So now that I have these newfound sightings and levels of awareness, I want to use them to spread even more awareness of how ADHD impacts people. Most days ADHD feels like a silent epidemic that is slowly killing people’s spirits. Now that may not be the case for everyone, but there is a major part of the community that it has an impact on. With no one to be a soundboard for the struggles that it is we face. ADHD/Autism and many other neurological disorders have gained traction on social media, specifically TikTok. I can only hope more solutions and groundbreaking information can be discovered and spread.

Resources

Some resources that I personally use that have helped me are going to therapy, thought dumping (which consists of getting all your thoughts on paper), getting a life coach, taking spiritual baths, reading books about ADHD so that I can learn to understand myself better, taking medication, drinking herbal teas, breaking tasks up rather than trying to do everything all at once, having groceries delivered, confiding in someone you trust about the struggles you face.

Down below I will link an e-book that has helped me, along with a book for those who deal with ADHD. I have found both very helpful and insightful when it comes to gaining more knowledge. Some coping skills I have acquired and will explain below are body doubling, utilizing timers and alarms, writing important dates down in both my phone and on a calendar, buying certain foods precut, utilizing apps such as NaturalReader, having music playing during certain activities, on a rare occasion coffee just to name a few.

Tips & Tricks

Now to explain in depth what each one means:

Body doubling refers to having someone present whether it be in the room or on a device such as phone call or video chat. This helps the person trying to complete a task to keep them motivated and also held accountable.
Utilizing alarms and timers. Most people with ADHD deal with something called time blindness where they are not fully aware of time and can tend to get distracted. Having alarms serves as a reminder for the tasks that need to be completed. Whereas a timer helps to keep you on track and if breaks are needed allow the person a visual aid to be aware of how much time of the task is left.
Writing down important dates. Doing this by phone allows me to see at any time when I have something important that is coming up. One setting that iPhones have is you can set it to give a reminder every day, or whenever you choose so that you get notified of it. I also like the idea of it making an alarm sound so that I am aware of what I have going on. As for writing them on Calendars, I love doing this because I am a visual person and on top of seeing it in my phone, having a calendar to look at every day is extremely helpful.
Buying precut foods. This has been one of my best tricks yet. Having ADHD, we don’t always view things as a task, we view them as steps. So, when we are cooking, we don’t say, “Oh I have to make this, this, and this.” We view it as I have to cut this, chop this, peel this, dice this. This alone makes preparing meals more dreadful and less likely to be done. Buying certain foods that are available pre-cut saves you time and energy and makes cooking a bit easier. I also want to add to this, buying easy to make meals such as boil in a bag rice, pre-made pastas already in a sauce, snacks, fruit/meat and cheese platters, getting meals catered to substitute meal planning just to name a few.
Utilizing the application Natural Reader. Y’all when I tell you this was an absolute game changer for me. I stumbled upon this while in school when I realized I could not retain anything I was reading to save my damn life. The one thing I like about this is the variety of files you can upload whether through a link, PDF, or copy and paste. It also allows you to choose the voice of the reader, the speed, and much more! An added bonus is it’s FREE, now some features do cost money, but it is rare you will need to use them.
Drinking coffee. Now this will vary from person to person, but for some, the way the coffee interacts with the chemicals in the body it has a grounding/calming effect. So, it allows you to be able to focus and get things done.
Lastly, having music playing. This is similar to having white/brown noise, it allows you to have some type of background noise to cancel out the noise in your mind. Which allows you to focus and get more things done.

Now, for the e-books and tools!

This a book recently written by Jane Kennedy. In her book she explains different terms, includes scenarios, goes in depth about what ADHD and how it affects the brain and the body. You can purchase her book here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CRBJDTWC

This last tip is a guide I found on TikTok by the name of Kunal Pathade. In this guide you will find 42 tips and tricks to better assist you. The e-book can be found here: https://stan.store/KunalPathade/p/get-my-templateebookcourse-now-x37hy

Spirit Babies: Life on The Other Side

Posted on July 11, 2023 by Jazmine Lee

For most that aren’t familiar, I’ve spoken about spirit babies on my Podcast, What’s Up Under That? Spirit babies are babies of the spiritual plane, who will often communicate with you or a spiritual consultant (such as an intuitive reader, psychic, etc) on their arrival or things they’re wanting you to work through to prepare for their arrival.

Often they can be either in a baby form, toddler, teen, or even an adult. Now, I’m sure you say, how is that? While the term “Spirit Baby” isn’t synopsis to baby per se, it can truly vary in the tone in which they speak. Or the memories they hold with you from either past lives, or even your childhood, down to certain periods in your life. Some spirit babies have the duty of your Spiritual or as most call it Spirit Guide.

Some children’s responsibility is to help you with their soon-to-be siblings, some are to help you with things you may need to work on within yourself, and for some, it’s simply helping you to work and heal the relationship with your womb, to have a healthy pregnancy and carry them to term. Others may have a specific duty in life to fulfill and making sure you’re prepared to be a parent is a part of that. Think of it like this, what if Michael Jackson or Prince, or even Jhene Aikos’ parents never had them? These are spiritual beings who had a very specific purpose to fulfill and a duty on this earth. To uplift and shift the vibration of those around them through their music, and their pure intentions. Also to break the barriers of what music is. This is just a slight example to show you, one of the many ways spirit babies have a duty to this world. Even if it’s simply just you birthing them, they crave to fulfill that.

Now, there may also be times when a miscarriage happens, or an abortion and these children don’t make it. Oftentimes, it’s simply because it wasn’t the right time, the right person or the baby just wasn’t ready yet. In my own experience, I had to have an abortion. In my case, it was the wrong time and the wrong person. Yes, spirit babies can be born to the wrong people in their anxious efforts to come to earth side. In some cases, they are born to parents who have karma, never worked through said karma, and are now responsible to help transmute that and break the barriers. This can be known as generational curses. A cycle which, has been perpetually continued, until that one spirit baby is born and puts an end to all that.

Another thing I’d like to speak on is when spirit babies are in contact with their earth-side siblings. As I spoke above, about my own experience with mines, I’ve seen and bared witness to just how much they connect not only with me, their grandmother, or friends of mines to deliver messages, but with my son. It’ll be times when he gets in trouble for doing something, something that most kids would get in trouble if they had a partner in crime. Or instances where he may voice how badly he wants a baby brother or sister. Being a Gemini, that’s uncommon. As they do crave to have siblings, if not they tend to nurture the connections close to them.

It’s amazing to see the capacity in which these spirit babies will interact with you. Some may send signs such as Angel numbers (to get a full guide on Angel numbers and their meanings you can purchase mines for $1.11 here https://payhip.com/b/lZvYA), colors, numbers, and even things that they love. For example, my spirit babies (yes bringing back a friend lol) love the colors purple, and army green. What’s funny about that is, those are two of my moms’ favorite colors. So there may even be times when they tend to stay close to those around them or even family members they trust. My mom was known for tending to her grandchildren, and always remaining close. So they stayed near her before I even fully knew they existed. Which has been quite the thing to see.

There have even been instances when spirit babies are excited for their arrival, you can see their orb floating by either the mother-to-be or the father as well. In my case, some spirit babies can seem very shy at first, while others are very vocal. But, towards the end of the pregnancy, they can seem to simmer down. Either from helping the other parent, or assisting them rather, in preparation for their arrival, or simply as they prepare to come into this world. Some spirit babies prepare to meet you, while others may prepare to meet their adoptive parents. The one thing that rings true, these babies do choose their parents. Based on their karmic contract and duties to fulfill. An example is the little boy, or adult rather named Dave from the book A Child Called It. It’s crazy to think, a spirit baby would’ve chosen a brutally abusive mother, who would be the reason for all his pain and suffering. But, as Dave got older, and went on to write, over 3 books detailing his experience. In a way to not only share his story but to bring a sense of hope to those who share stories alike. Showing them they are more than their pain and trauma. They are capable and deserving of living a happy and full life. Just by him sharing what happened on his own. Not to mention, getting married, book tours, and to my knowledge, public speaking engagements.

To tie things up, the point I’m wanting to drive home is all these babies have a purpose, and strive to fulfill that in whatever way is deemed fit. So while people may say, do we choose our parents? We indeed do. What comes with that, is merely something our vessels cannot comprehend. But, our spirit knows.

Triggered

Posted on November 6, 2019 by Jazmine Lee

One thing that I’ve learned is, everything that other people do isn’t always directed towards you. So don’t take everything so damn personal. Now that’s easier said than done because, when you’re going through shit everything triggers you. Even when you’re not everything can rub you in a wrong way. A lot of people in order to prevent them from thinking about it will suppress those emotions, or the memories, or a situation. Sometimes it’s not even so much that we do it, our brain will do it in that moment in time to protect us in a sense.

I was just telling my mom yesterday “healing is fucking hard, it sucks, and it’s time consuming”. That’s why with anything you do it’s always good to try and take a step back and be aware of what you do or say and how it can affect someone. Sometimes that’s not always possible due to the circumstances we may be in at that moment in time. But always if you’re able be mindful of how you treat other people. You could either be playing a role in something that could potentially damage them and down the line have an effect on how they do things in life, or possibly trigger them.

Now, this isn’t to say that you have to walk on eggshells with everyone because, that’s the way society thinks now a days. You can’t say or do the wrong thing without offending someone. While there is some truth to this, I feel too it’s a cop out to be able to treat people like shit at times and label it as joking when the person gets upset or gets offended. This alone is why people have such a fucking hard time with ACCOUNTABILITY. It’s always easier to place blame on someone else for offending them, rather than accepting you were being a disrespectful asshole and didn’t think twice about what you were saying to them. People make it seem like thinking before you speak is such a hard thing to do or it’s a week long process that requires way too much effort. When in all actuality it takes a whole hell of a lot less time than you think.

Even with all of that, it draws back to if you haven’t already you need to evaluate on why things other people are doing is triggering you. It’ll be times people aren’t doing something or saying something with malicious intent specifically to hurt you. It may just be you have some unresolved trauma you need to come to terms with and work on. As I tell people all the time healing is easier said than done. You’re constantly having to hold yourself accountable, analyzing things that you do, revisiting painful moments in your life that you tried to hard to bury. The list goes on. But, using this as an example. Water also in terms of tarot cards is a symbol of our emotions, feelings, and our heart. Also, when water is in a place it shouldn’t be or stagnant so to speak it collects and picks up things that it shouldn’t and it stays there until it’s poured out or removed from the environment causing this. It’s the same with you, when you’re okay with being stagnant everything will seem like it’s piling up all at once and instead of changing your behavior or taking a look around or within to see why this is you use things to suppress it. Such as weed, alcohol, pills, other people, sex, hobbies, eating when you’re not hungry. Now this isn’t to make you feel like you’re being judged. But, it is to make you think are you doing these things because, you simply enjoy them. Or has it become out of habit and you’ve labeled them as things you like doing just because. That’s always the hardest part, having to come to terms with things that may also be considered a trigger. Then, from that point forward it causes you to be more aware of your emotions and how exactly it is that you react to something or the emotions that surface when someone triggers you. Now, I’m not saying you gotta face all your triggers in one day, but next time you notice yourself getting angry, sad, or reacting to something take a step back and ask yourself why?

Home Ain’t Always Where The Heart is

Posted on October 24, 2019 by Jazmine Lee

I’ve seen too often parents will say “oh I’m doing it for the kids” or “I’m staying for the kids”. While that may be well and true what kind of example are you setting by staying in a toxic relationship? No matter what you say, kids go off of actions. You can tell a child don’t be like me everyday, but if you’re not leading by example that won’t always be the case.

You see too often people are so concerned with wanting to keep up a certain family image, wanting to appear happy, wanting everyone to think their home is happy while suffering in that same home.

As a parent I get it, no parents wants to see their child not be able to have both parents in the home. Having to choose who’s parents home they wanna go to for holidays, birthdays, all of that. But their comes a time as a parent you have to put your happiness first and for lack of a better word say “fuck them kids”. Now don’t take this seriously y’all. I say that to say, how the fuck do you expect your children to be happy if you aren’t happy??? How do you expect to model a happy home, marriage, self love to your children if you are unable to practice that. Regardless to what you allow children to SEE they are beings of energy before anything. What you don’t always say they themselves can FEEL. Especially when an argument taken place that energy still lingers.

Being a single mom I had to make a very hard decision that my son wasn’t going to be able to have that standard picture perfect family I’d dreamt of. But you wanna know what else I told myself? It will be okay. I had to tell myself although I am not able to go on with the family I started I can always find someone else. Every day I had to say “sometimes you won’t end with the ones you started with” and that is OKAY.

One thing I do know is of importance is making sure you and that person are mentally, emotionally, and financially stable equally to want to make a child together. Just off the strength every child deserves to have both mommy and daddy. Now that’s not to say even if you have all this that things won’t still end up going south. But it’s always good to have that foundation, that way you’re off to a good start.

All in all what I want you to take from this is don’t allow your children to suffer for you own selfishness. Sometimes the best thing you can do is leave so your children can see you happy. Will there be ups and downs to them not seeing mommy and daddy together everyday? Of course. Will they eventually get through it by you also being compassionate and understanding this is a transition for them? Most definitely. But always remember your children’s happiness starts with you being happy…..

But is It Possible…?

Posted on October 11, 2019 by Jazmine Lee

Okay, so everyone knows or assumes in order for any relationship to thrive sex is a necessity. You gotta give it to your man 2-3 times a day, every day of the week, no matter if you’re up for it or not….but the real fucking question is who came up with this shit? Who sat here and said it’s completely okay to dismiss a persons feelings and mental well being for the sake of making sure someone else is happy?

Now I briefly went over sexual abuse in my blog “Abusive Relationships” but didn’t dive into it too much. Most will say it’s not possible to be raped in a relationship because when you get into one you’re forfeiting any rights to your body. Now this isn’t just one sided men and women do this. As much as I don’t want to admit it I’m guilty of this. But, to say the least I think we all are. If you’re horny or in a mood it’s not your girlfriend, boyfriend, partner, or spouses responsibility to “take care” of it if they tell you or you see they’re not in the mood. The thing where this becomes a problem is people’s ego gets involved and they can’t respect the other persons boundaries.

How many times have you told your partner not now, I’m not in the mood, or I just wanna cuddle then they still take it upon themselves to pull your pants down in your sleep even though you said no? Those I’ve asked about this have just said they didn’t mind because they ended up wanting it anyway. But what does that end up saying about that person not respecting your boundaries that you set? Do you feel like that makes it okay just because you’re in a relationship with them? Is that an excuse for them to violate your body?

Don’t go all she’s being extreme it’s not even that serious. Yeah to you it may not be, but to the woman who’s unhappy and simply had sex with her husband because she knows that’s the “role” she’s supposed to play it may be serious to her.

Or hell even the women in the 50’s who were clearly unhappy and wanting to leave. But didn’t because they couldn’t even provide for themselves so they had no choice but to be submissive to their husbands.

Hell even men. We know men generally won’t even verbalize they aren’t in the mood, or women know sex will always make them feel better no matter what. So regardless to the mood that the man is in she will always let sex be an option. But, as a man how exactly can you let your woman know you’re not up for sex? Or if you’d rather just lay up and watch movies with her. Without her assuming you want it to lead to more than that?

To me it seems like unless boundaries are enforced from day one, when in the heat of the moment what could be seen as playing “hard to get” can easily be taken as oh I’m gonna have to take it. When in all actuality there isn’t shit to take. If that person says they don’t want sex it’s not up to you to decide if there is some underlying answer in-between the answer that was already given. This alone is why communication is essential and necessary so that there isn’t any confusion on what’s being said or any of their actions that could possibly be misconstrued.

I’m sure when most read this they won’t agree because, rape is a serious word to be thrown around and if it boils down who is going to believe a man or woman when they tell someone their boyfriend or girlfriend raped them? They’ll take it as a joke then follow it up with “but was it good?”….because that’s really the question someone wants to hear….I hope you were able to take something from reading this and truly understand how important it is to respect the other persons boundaries…..

“Analyze” by Ashley K. Boyd

Posted on August 31, 2019 by Jazmine Lee

“I’m sorry baby, I promise it won’t happen again” he says, and to your mind it won’t. He didn’t mean to it was an accident right? If you hadn’t did what you did he wouldn’t have gotten this mad. All these thoughts that run through your mind, as those dried up tears rest upon your face, and those black and blue marks start to surface on your skin. Ha, yeah he won’t do it again. Maybe next time it’ll be better. Yeah! It had to be me right? Wait….or was it me? You ask yourself over and over again whilst the room is a perfect metaphor of your heart. Shaken up, destroyed, but knowing it can easily be cleaned up. Staring off into space trying to break free of the mental chains he’s placed you under, you try to stand up only to be greeted by a black eye. It’s okay, it’s fine! I simply fell and hit my eye…wait no…no one will believe that. Now you pace the room trying to figure out how did you black your eye…you stand there searching for reasons your eye could’ve gotten this way. Your subconscious is running a mile a minute trying to aid in his rescue. But, are you sure he won’t do it again? No of course he won’t! Why would you ever say something so disrespectful when I know it was my fault! Walking through the living room telling yourself “I’ll get this cleaned up in no time!”. Once I’m done I’ll get dinner started and it’ll be as though it never happened. Your subconscious crying for you to leave before things get worse, knowing they’ll get worse. Your judgement being so cloudy, not even seeing it was never your fault. You may want to forget but your body never will. When he goes to kiss you you’ll stare into his eyes with hesitancy not knowing if you’ve said something wrong. Then you realize your lips have not separated to utter a single sentence….as you go to get dressed he’ll see the bruises on your skin and ask what happened? Your mind says is he fucking crazy? What happened? Calming the raging bull saying “I must’ve fallen when I was cleaning up earlier”. It’s no biggie it’ll go away! You go to wash the day off only to be greeted by aches and pains he’s placed on your body. Standing there as the shower water beats your skin, a tear rolls down your face as your body tries so hard to forget the pain you’re feeling.

Abusive Relationships

Posted on August 29, 2019 by Jazmine Lee

Abusive Relationships

One of the things that isn’t widely talked about is abusive relationships. It’s almost as if it’s a taboo topic or people shy away because they may feel subconsciously, they are in one too and that’s not something they are ready to come to terms with. The way that the world is set up we glorify disrespect, name calling, using our partners for money and labeling it “spoiled”, speaking to them in a way they aren’t okay with and trying to make it seem as if that person is being overly sensitive. Most of these can fall under the same thing or their own category depending on how its presented. Some people tend to think abuse is only violent or physical, if you tell them what your partner is doing, they downplay it because, “at least he’s not putting his hands on you”. As if that makes things any better. Abuse can present itself as hostility/violence, verbally, mentally, emotionally, and even financially. Financially of which isn’t talked about at all.

Have you ever gotten in an argument with your bf, gf, spouse, or partner and during the argument they called you dumb, stupid, bitch, slut, or just downright nasty things? Those all fall under forms of verbal abuse. We all have been that person when we were in an argument, we tend to let our words fly and not keep in consideration of how it could affect the other person or how it would make them feel. Or days later wondering is that how you feel about them. I’m sure you’ve heard the term, “Scars can heal, but words cut deeper”. That’s why being mindful of what you say during an argument can go so far, not even just being mindful but knowing if things are getting to heated stepping away from the debate and coming back once you’ve calmed down. But the way life is set up things don’t always tend to go that way and words are exchanged and feelings are hurt.

In terms of mentally, has it ever been an instance where you’ve constantly made that person promise after promise and never went through? Or tagged them along for the ride of your mind games and never gave them the love that they deserved? All those things fall under mental and very much so emotional abuse as well. When someone’s “Love language” isn’t being spoken it can feel as though they’re receiving half ass effort. Or their partner will state all that they do including buying gifts, sending good morning texts, always taking them out to dinner. Everything that their partner feels what they need. But, not actually paying attention to the things that make them happy. Or hell simply taking the time out to ask them “How do you need to be loved?”. Not too many people will do this because, they are so hell bent on what society says is acceptable and what you need to do to make a man or a woman happy, but not actually ASKING that partner what makes them happy though. Or maybe they are loving you in a way that you should be, but they lack the things you ask of them such as communication, understanding, making changes within themselves. Doing things like this can make someone downplay their worth and question if they’re asking for too much or if their needs simply aren’t being met…most of the time your needs aren’t being met and it’s either time to sit down and have a talk or if this has already been discussed multiple times then it may just be time to leave.

There’s the one type that isn’t widely or even talked about ever. Financial abuse, almost sounds like it’s a joke, like how can someone financially abuse me….? In an instance like this I can’t say men do it more or women do it more. It can come from either side. It may start off with buying them things or buying them dinner and instead of what you’re doing being appreciated its expected. Or if you’re out getting something and don’t bring them anything back, they throw an “adult tantrum” and try to make it seem as though you don’t care and you weren’t thinking about them. Although, this isn’t one of the forms that’s talked about the most its done day in and day out. Not even just from partners or spouses, it can be done ESPECIALLY from friends and family it’s just labeled as being taken advantage of and not so much an abuse. With women it can be dressed up as being spoiled or a gold digger. This can be a double-edged sword though cause, it can easily be misinterpreted as a love language of acts of service or receiving gifts. More than not people are out here simply using the other person just for their money. Now there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be spoiled and liking to receive gifts but when you’re receiving them and you’re just never satisfied with what it is that you’re getting or you always want more then it becomes a problem. Or just simply taking advantage of that person because you KNOW they will pay for it that’s abuse in itself. But the way it’s talked about most think of it as okay or some will consider it scamming. Overall, I just don’t get why this current generation is always so focused on who’s the next person they can get over on. Then, when they’re ready to settle down they get treated like complete shit and sit up wondering what they did to deserve this or say “see I’m just gonna have to go back to my old ways”. When in all actuality your “old ways” are the reason you got hurt. Along with you choosing to continue the cycle of pain. At the end of the day there’s someone that’s been hurt by someone that was also hurt or that was shown using people for financial purposes is okay. That’s why there’s so many men and women who don’t cater to one another or don’t pay for dates because there isn’t a mutual interest it’s all about well what exactly can I get from this person. Or I need to stay two or three steps ahead of them. But if we all simply loved like we’ve never been hurt the cycle would stop with someone. If you’ve been hurt grow the hell up and stop projecting that shit onto other people and take the time to be alone and deal with your shit before the next guy or girl you deal with ends up hurting someone else. Stop with the mindset I gotta get them before they get me. Now I’m not saying allow those to walk all over you, but as stated before love the way you want to be loved.

Then, I saved the best, in the most sarcastic tone, for last. Physical Abuse. Now this is the attention grabber. The one thing that everyone feels should be deemed as a reason to leave. It starts out as all fun and games play fighting or when you’re joking and you smack the person upside the head. Next thing you know you’re getting into a senseless argument and they slap you. You’re standing there asking yourself did that really happen, but due to the shock you’re having a hard time processing it. “I’m sorry baby I promise it won’t happen again, I just got really upset and it was reflex”. Then because an apology followed right after you try and justify it saying he didn’t mean it and he said he was sorry. So shortly after you take a nap or whatever to ease your mind and you wake up to him cooking or he bought you something nice. But even though you appreciate the not kind jester you still are trying to process what had happened. Now you see this one instance is how it all will start out, instead of packing your shit and saying fuck this I don’t have time for it. You chose to stay…..day in and day out you try to convince yourself it won’t happen again and this is just a “bump” you’ll get over in your relationship. You both just need to work on it, then everything will be fine. Except everything won’t be fine, he’ll keep doing it again and again just off the strength the first time was a test and you showed him all he has to do is woo you and you’ll forgive him. Let’s not add if there were marks left behind then you have to come up with some sob story about how you got them. Then the joy you will feel when no one questions your story and you’re followed up with “Oh honey you need to be more careful next time or you could really hurt yourself”. Only for your subconscious to be like are you fucking kidding me? Be careful? Next time? Just for you to smile and change the subject to silence the voice in your head that’s telling you, you need to walk away before it’s too late. A few weeks pass and another argument comes up, but of course you getting hit isn’t the first thing on your mind. Then things start to get heated and you try to ignore him hoping it’ll diffuse the situation, only for that to piss him off even more and make him feel like he’s not being heard. So, he comes over and gets into your face calling you a dumb bitch asking why you’re not listening to him, then turns around and gets in your face and you turn your music up to drown him out only for him to snatch them out because he knows it’ll provoke you. As soon as he snatches them you stand up trying to get them back and he keeps taunting you only to piss you off even more and when you go to grab them and snatch them away, he spits in your face and by reflex you slap him. From that point on you know you’re going to regret that. As you go to turn around, he’s pulling you by your hair and punching you in the arm because, how dare this stupid bitch slap me! You try your hardest to get up but he keeps kicking you down and you just get to the point you ball yourself up and you lay there defenseless crying on the floor trying to grab your phone to call the police only to realize he took your phone. As the argument starts to die down you just crawl onto the couch rocking back and forth wondering once again, how the fuck did things get to this point? Then you’re questioning why did this happen again? Just to hear that voice saying I told you this shit would happen again. You sit there thinking about what transpired and start to cry all over again, sobbing under your breath so he doesn’t hear you. Just for him to come out the bathroom and ask why you’re crying and you say “you really hurt my arm, I can’t move it”, and he replies “babe I’m sorry, I should’ve never let things even get that far, sometimes I just get pissed off then you slapping me in the face didn’t help”. You sit there listening then have the AUDACITY to apologize for slapping him when he purposely spit in your face……see that alone just goes to show there is something wrong with this picture. Now you may be sitting here reading this asking yourself how did things get this far? How did she end up having him put his hands on her again? Or you could be one of those people that cape for the man and say she should’ve never turned her music up and things would’ve never even gotten that far. Problem with all that is he intentionally provoked her so he would have reason to lay hands on her. But this all just goes to show if it happens once, it’ll damn sure happen again. The scenario alone displayed multiple signs of abuse but to you, the only one that stood out the most was the physical. That tends to be everyone’s issue, if the abuse isn’t physical, they will ignore all the other signs. Sad part is, those other signs are the I guess you can call it pre red flags to watch for. If a man or a woman has no issue verbally or mentally disrespecting you there is no reason for you to think it won’t ever become physical. Now, that’s not to say every person that is verbally, mentally, or emotionally abusive will be physically abusive. But, that’s also no excuse for you to tolerate their bullshit and keep dealing with it in hopes it’ll get better or to convince yourself things will get better. Or that it’s just something you need to work on. Now I know everyone’s journey is different and nobody is perfect but, just know if you choose to stay to weigh the pros and cons. Also realize you aren’t obligated to stay with someone while they grow. As it’s been said what is meant for you will always be for you, no matter what. Although, it’s not always necessary to have to sit back and wait for someone to grow or deal with their bullshit until you feel they are at a point they can treat you how you deserve to be treated. Now if some of this applied then honey, I’m sorry for the pill you just had to swallow. But sometimes we need to see what it is we keep choosing to ignore. Everything that glitters ain’t gold. Just remember you’re worth more than what you choose to put up with for the sake of love…….