As we all know sometimes when
we go into a new relationship we tend to bring some baggage with us. Not all
the time but, sometimes. The two things we always tend to keep in our pocket generally are insecurity and jealousy. Most
wont realize when you’ve been in a relationship you feel unappreciated those two
go hand in hand.
Have you ever been in a relationship,
where your partner wanted you, but didn’t respect your relationship as a whole?
Or it be times you always felt you had to be on the defense about other women
and it was causing you more stress than it should?
I was telling my friend an
issue I had with a guy I used to date. He would always flirt with other women,
always make sure their presence felt known, and would talk about them freely. Now
talking about or acknowledging another woman’s beauty is something I don’t
mind, I will say a woman is beautiful in a heartbeat or that this guy or that
guy is handsome. But I won’t do that before making sure my man knows his beauty
is acknowledged first.
This isn’t to say it’s my job to build him up so to speak, but more so I would never always go out my way to compliment another man before telling my own man damn you fine! Or you look so handsome, hell even on his worst days I will always tell him he looks handsome.
Most of the time if you’re
dealing with someone that’s jealous, it’s either stemming from issues from a
past relationship where boundaries weren’t set for other women/men, or it’s
something that person is CURRENTLY dealing with. You gotta ask yourself, am I
either 1. Willing to stay with someone who doesn’t value me as a person or 2. Willing
to open up my mouth and voice how them feeling as though they don’t value our
relationship or my emotional well being doesn’t feel like it’s being made a priority.
People don’t realize you can
be friendly WITHOUT flirting. Folks always use I’m not flirting I’m just
friendly as a cop out. As an excuse to be able to still flirt because their
getting the best of both worlds. Being in a committed relationship, plus being
able to still have intimacy with someone of the other sex. And yes flirting is
a form of intimacy as well. Which is why it can be taken the wrong way to other
people and you essentially open up the gate for people to feel it’s okay to disrespect
your relationship. After that point why would anyone feel your relationship holds
any value if you are showing you don’t give a fuck about it? This goes for men
and women. But I know too that some people will mistake someone being nice to them
as flirting due to their own personal issues and honey that’s a topic for
another damn day.
All I’m saying is either
value or respect that person you’re with enough to not make them feel like they
aren’t worthy enough to be loved 110% or just stay single. You can’t bring
single tendencies into a committed relationship it just don’t work that way. That’s
a very selfish and manipulative move because, just because the last person
dealt with that bullshit don’t mean the other person is or is willing to until
you decide to grow the fuck up.
Ultimately, when you learn to
love and respect yourself is when you will be willing to do the same for
someone else. So until you learn to fully respect your own boundaries their ain’t
an ounce of respect you’d be willing to give someone else. If you are willing
to, it just means there will be times you’re okay with putting yourself on the
back burner and tolerating what you FEEL you deserve…..
I was recently talking with a
friend and love languages came up in the conversation. So as we were talking I
said, “You ever realize there’s love language when it comes to sexual
intimacy?”. Let’s look at it like this for example, she stated one thing she loves
during sex is Words of Affirmation. By that meaning, being told your beautiful
during sex, saying I love you, complimenting your body, or overall being
engaging during sex verbally in a way it makes your partner happy.
See one thing I feel both men
and women struggle with is knowing that love language IN the bedroom along with
outside of it. Now there may even be times you’ve tried something on someone
else and you think, ummm I wonder if this person will like it. So instead of
verbalizing if you wanna try something new or asking have you ever had this
done and how did it make you feel? You take the initiative and allow your ego
to take the wheel and do it, only to get your feelings hurt because the person
doesn’t like that so you’ve spoiled the mood for yourself.
Just as with words of
affirmation comes other love languages and how they are incorporated during
sexual intimacy.
The second being physical
touch. Yeah that may seem a bit self explanatory but some people love to be in
certain positions that require a lot more physical contact than usual. Or that
person could love when you kiss them during sex, when you’re performing oral
sex and you grab their waist or caress their breast. Sometimes they just need a
little extra attention in that way. Hell for some it could even play a huge
role in them orgasming.
Then there’s acts of service.
Now some might say how is this possible. With this it can be if you know your
partner loves oral sex or they love when you take your time and take their
clothes off during sex to admire their body this could be an act of service.
You’re doing something that you know they love or something that makes them
feel good. Or even giving them a back rub before, during, or after sex.
Next there’s Quality Time,
with this one it could simply be taking the time out your day to make sure you
get in some love time with that person. You know they love to have sex or just
the feeling they get from being intimate with you but you also know you have a
busy schedule. So taking that time out planning something nice. Going out to
dinner and a movie followed by dessert at home. Him/her being the dessert lol.
But just making sure that persons needs are being met and they feel as though
there is time and effort being put into that.
Receiving Gifts. This one can
be a bit tricky. But one way you can incorporate this is by buying them some
new lingerie, or if you know that person loves when you wear a certain cologne
or perfume during sex surprising them with that. Or for those that love to
involve food in foreplay. Buying some chocolate covered strawberries and having
some roses lying on the bed waiting for them. Or while you’re out grocery
shopping and you know tonight is your anniversary so you stop and get them
their favorite wine for your night ahead. Doing things like that can really
help in terms of them receiving gifts and even make them feel more loved
knowing you did something nice for them all while bringing it into the bedroom
to make the evening a bit more special.
Now depending on the person
all of these things can be incorporated but if you know that person loves being
told they’re beautiful or complimented make that your focus for that moment in
time. It’s okay to get the roses and making time for them but let their number
one love language be at the fore front. When that person feels their needs are
being met not only outside the bedroom but in as well they’re bound to love you
even more.
Everyone has this love tank
so to speak that requires certain needs to be met. Now this isn’t to say it’ll
be possible to be met all the time because shit happens and life happens. But
what’s important is taking that time out and making that person a priority when
it comes to making them feel loved in whatever way they need to be loved. That’s
why it’s always important to know their love language that way it makes things
easier on you and will help the relationship go a lot smoother.
I really hope you enjoyed this blog! If you have any topic requests for #FreakyFridayBlog feel free to email me at brujastoblunts@gmail.com, dm me at Brujas to Blunts on Instagram, or message me on my Facebook page at Brujas, Blunts, and Everything Inbetween. I looked forward to hearing from you!
I recently read a post on
Facebook that said what has your pussy ever made a man do? Then going into how
toxic the responses were and how it made men blow their phone up, stalk them,
all types of crazy shit.
I recently had this talk with
an ex of mines how you can’t have sex with everyone because what you don’t face
will manifest in them. A lot of people have some really deep issues they don’t
wanna deal with or face. Sit and say, “oh I’m fine” when in all a actuality
they’re far from fine. You see if crazy toxic ways show in the people you have
sex with that will go to show shit you need to work on. With them blowing your
phone up, within you this can be a sign of major codependency issues. Stalking can
be codependency also but a sign of insecurity. The list goes on and on about
what they all mean specifically.
Along with that I always tell people you are what you attract, but also what you allow. Now some may not see it that way. Just as you hear women often say, idk why I keep attracting these types of men or why I end up with xy and z guys. When you have shit you don’t wanna face you will subconsciously choose those who are just like you or how you feel about yourself and what you deserve.
You can kinda say they’re our mirror, a lot of things they do may irritate the fuck out of you. But then you may have to ask why does this bother me so much??? If you’re lucky like me you have someone close to vent to and point out the similarities and when you wanna chin check a mf to say “sorry sweetie you do the same thing”.
It grinds the hell out my gears. Like do y’all know how often I hear “you do it too”. That just goes to show sometimes what you attract is meant to show you things you need to actively work on and assess within you. Most will see stuff someone does and get fed up and move onto the next person.
Just to turn around and end
up with another dude that ain’t shit. Only to find out you got some ain’t shit
ass qualities about yourself that you refuse to deal with or heal from. Until
you are ready to face what you don’t wanna deal with.
It comes a time as women that
we need to take accountability and stop always saying these dudes aren’t shit
and realize we not perfect our damn selves. We refuse to heal. We refuse to be
alone and enjoy being single. We refuse to learn to love ourselves. To set
boundaries, knowing when to say no, to stop seeking validation from others and
do what the hell makes us happy.
Now DON’T get me wrong
healing is fucking HARD. I personally started my healing journey about 4 years
ago and although I’ve come very far I still have a looooot to work on
currently. Luckily I’ve found someone that mirrors my issues and I’m working
every day to change them, identify, and correct.
With change it doesn’t have
to be oh as soon as you say it needs to change you gotta stop doing it right
then and there. The first step to that is always seeing what you’re doing and
acknowledging it. Once you’ve done that and you see how often you do it. Take
that time out to correct it. Or even if you notice after a convo reflecting on
that and asking what can you do differently next time around.
Ladies I know you weren’t expecting that but we gotta help each other aid in our growth and healing and a huge part of that is taking accountability for the men we attract and stop blaming it on them and not what we need to work on. If you feel this Blog applied to you or you know someone who can relate feel free to share and subscribe to be notified of future blogs!
Alright, so this next topic is gonna get pretty heavy. For good reasons but all might not agree, but it’s not my job to avoid which toes to step on. Now here lately I’ve been encountering a lot of instances where women just feel like they can’t feel comfortable anywhere. They can’t wear what they want, they can’t be friendly without it being mistaken for something more. None of that. I’m just really starting to feel like sexual harassment, rape, and sexual abuse is something that’s trying to be normalized. Not just by society but by our mothers and father at home.
Now I’m gonna be very blunt with y’all and some of this may come as a surprise, some of these things you may not be willing to come to term with. Many of us don’t seem to realize that sexual abuse or rape is a thing in a relationship or marriage. That once we become one, or make things official we no longer have any say over our body. Which I’m not sure who came up with that bullshit rule but ummkay….as a woman I’m not always in the mood, I don’t always wanna be touched, I don’t feel like even performing oral sex, those alone are my rights and boundaries that if are being stated should be respected.
I was in a relationship at one point in my life and I had sex almost every day if not every other. I was absolutely miserable, I hated feeling like I had no say so over my body, or if I didn’t wanna have sex I had to deal with the verbal abuse of being told “what you won’t do another woman will”. Therefore initially forcing me to have sex even if I didn’t want to. Forcing myself to get in a mood I already wasn’t in to begin with, and don’t let my body not follow the lead I was being given and I not be able to get wet. Then I would be shamed for it and turn over lying there in tears because I couldn’t give my man what he wanted. Only to be met by, I’ll be right back. Which was only translation for, I’m gonna get some ass from someone else.
Not only was this situation sexual abuse and at the time I honestly didn’t know because I didn’t have anyone to have these convos about sex or what is and isn’t acceptable in a relationship. It was also rape, there were many times like this instance I didn’t wanna have sex, or I would be in the middle and want to stop only to be met with “hold on I’m about to come”. Just to have to lie there lifeless while I was used as a cum dump until he was finished.
Most people will say it’s unfortunate but that’s what you gotta deal with when you’re in a relationship. Like no Nancy, no the fuck I don’t. The thing that kills me is I feel like so many women try to normalize it because the utter thought that they are in a sexually abusive relationship or may have been raped just doesn’t seem right. This doesn’t even just go for women but men too. The simple fact as women I’ll be real we don’t like hearing no and have this spoiled mentality very often. So if we want sex and can’t get it we’ll throw a fit until we get our way. Then because our man is tired of the grown woman tantrums he will come behind us kissing our neck, slowly reaching into our pants to play with our pussy, and all the while we’re in heaven because we got our way. Meanwhile the mans wishes and boundaries are being pretty much kicked to the curb and he feels it’s okay because why not who doesn’t want to get a nut. It’s like from day one men are programmed to want sex even if they don’t want sex.
Or if our man is sleep because he had a long night and we wake up trying to touch his dick and he moves our hand or says baby just let me sleep. You don’t respect what he says, you proceed to play with his dick because you know getting him hard won’t be an issue. Or maybe you don’t even have to do that because men naturally wake up with a boner. So you take full advantage of that and give him head or make him have sex with you despite him telling you he didn’t want to.
Shit like this is why men have so many bottled up emotions because, when they set boundaries or when they even try to say no what they ask for is ignored and they have to put how they feel to the side to make sure that you’re happy.
As women we absolutely hate when this is done to us and we already think waaaaay too much. Then to have someone telling us what we can and can’t do with our bodies it’s just a complete outrage. But, when a man wants to set rules and boundaries it’s hard to accept them.
Now imagine if you had a son or daughter and their feelings were disregarded and push to the side and you found out you’d be ready to go after anyone who hurts them. Now explain if you’d feel this way with your own children why would it be okay allowing yourself or someone else to feel this way?
I feel like in America our biggest issue we face is respecting peoples boundaries. I just recently made a status on Facebook that said, you may not agree with someone’s boundaries, but it’s damn sure not up for debate. Which is oh so true. You won’t always expect to be okay with guidelines or rules someone sets in place but all you can do is either keep it pushing or respect that.
Me personally I’m not the best at this and currently working on when someone tells me something for the sake of their feelings I may be angry or upset because I don’t agree, but I have to respect it or just simply keep it pushing. We won’t always like or be okay with what others do that’s best for them, and sometimes they won’t agree either. But if we truly love that person all we can do is respect. Just off the fact no one persons rules or stipulations will be the same as the next. So what it all boils down to is, when it comes to sex if someone says no realize I swear to you it’s not the end of the world.
Speaking of boundaries, that brings me to sexual harassment. From day one men are taught if a girl says no, always interpret that as a yes. So pretty much fuck the boundaries a woman has set for yourself and hope that her answer will change. Or just even the fact that her no may not really mean no. You see how hard that makes it on a man instead of just taking the answer for what it is? I have a friend who was telling me how a guy she does business with was trying to talk to her and there wasn’t much interest on her end. But, later on she found out he was married and reduced the communication to only anything in regards to her son and/or business-related matters. From then on whenever she would have to see him there was always some underlying flirting going on and he would not accept that she was no longer into him considering the fact he had a wife. Fast forward to a couple weeks ago…. she was taking her son to go get a haircut by him and her son just wasn’t having it that day so she had to hold him. While she was holding him, his head was laid on her shoulder so the barber was extremely close to her body and her face. As he’s lining him up, he presses his chest against her body and says in her ear “I’m so close I could kiss you right now”. Then she turns her head and rolls her eyes, as she turns to him to say “how much do I owe you?”. Oh no it’ cool it’s on me, when she tells him thank you and walks out as he says I need to come see you soon……
Mind you with that story this instance wasn’t the only time that he’s tried flirting with her, but it is the first time that he’s actually made physical contact and said anything like that. Shit like this is why there are times women avoid men because even after a woman has set her boundaries men will still keep trying to be persistent, and get her to have sex with him or just make her completely uncomfortable and take it as she’s being shy. So, with all this being said, as a man when it comes to things like this, when and/if you have a son stop conditioning them to think a women’s no means yes. It needs to be established to respect what a woman says and stop letting your ego get in the way and potentially making her uncomfortable…….
Okay, so everyone knows or assumes in order for any relationship to thrive sex is a necessity. You gotta give it to your man 2-3 times a day, every day of the week, no matter if you’re up for it or not….but the real fucking question is who came up with this shit? Who sat here and said it’s completely okay to dismiss a persons feelings and mental well being for the sake of making sure someone else is happy?
Now I briefly went over sexual abuse in my blog “Abusive Relationships” but didn’t dive into it too much. Most will say it’s not possible to be raped in a relationship because when you get into one you’re forfeiting any rights to your body. Now this isn’t just one sided men and women do this. As much as I don’t want to admit it I’m guilty of this. But, to say the least I think we all are. If you’re horny or in a mood it’s not your girlfriend, boyfriend, partner, or spouses responsibility to “take care” of it if they tell you or you see they’re not in the mood. The thing where this becomes a problem is people’s ego gets involved and they can’t respect the other persons boundaries.
How many times have you told your partner not now, I’m not in the mood, or I just wanna cuddle then they still take it upon themselves to pull your pants down in your sleep even though you said no? Those I’ve asked about this have just said they didn’t mind because they ended up wanting it anyway. But what does that end up saying about that person not respecting your boundaries that you set? Do you feel like that makes it okay just because you’re in a relationship with them? Is that an excuse for them to violate your body?
Don’t go all she’s being extreme it’s not even that serious. Yeah to you it may not be, but to the woman who’s unhappy and simply had sex with her husband because she knows that’s the “role” she’s supposed to play it may be serious to her.
Or hell even the women in the 50’s who were clearly unhappy and wanting to leave. But didn’t because they couldn’t even provide for themselves so they had no choice but to be submissive to their husbands.
Hell even men. We know men generally won’t even verbalize they aren’t in the mood, or women know sex will always make them feel better no matter what. So regardless to the mood that the man is in she will always let sex be an option. But, as a man how exactly can you let your woman know you’re not up for sex? Or if you’d rather just lay up and watch movies with her. Without her assuming you want it to lead to more than that?
To me it seems like unless boundaries are enforced from day one, when in the heat of the moment what could be seen as playing “hard to get” can easily be taken as oh I’m gonna have to take it. When in all actuality there isn’t shit to take. If that person says they don’t want sex it’s not up to you to decide if there is some underlying answer in-between the answer that was already given. This alone is why communication is essential and necessary so that there isn’t any confusion on what’s being said or any of their actions that could possibly be misconstrued.
I’m sure when most read this they won’t agree because, rape is a serious word to be thrown around and if it boils down who is going to believe a man or woman when they tell someone their boyfriend or girlfriend raped them? They’ll take it as a joke then follow it up with “but was it good?”….because that’s really the question someone wants to hear….I hope you were able to take something from reading this and truly understand how important it is to respect the other persons boundaries…..
I recently was pointlessly scrolling on Facebook and saw a post that said “Toxic mothers are just as bad as absent fathers, but y’all not ready for that discussion though”. Then a reply below, which was a fucking word, stated, maybe it’s because we as mothers are tired of carrying the weight of two people causing us to exhibit toxic behavior. Babbbby I was not READY for that second response. Now, this statement could be taken one of two ways. How can you, as a woman, justify being toxic towards your child who had nothing to do with the other parent not being in their life? Then it could be taken as, yes, as a mom we all want to be the sweet Suzie homemaker, always smiling type but let’s be fucking real, can we? No. Shit won’t always be that way. When you’re a single mom you’re working for two, cooking for two, cleaning for what feels like four people, running errands, going to Doctors appointments, this list goes on. But you get my drift we’re doing every damn thing alone and expected to be 100% all the time.
Let’s not add in how no one ever feels it’s necessary for us to need or want a break, to want to be away from our children, or hell to even wanna date again. The one term I personally heard as a single mom is “you didn’t even give him a chance to be a father”. Excuse the absolute fuck outta me? Come again? I didn’t give him a chance to be a what? Oh yeah, you’re clearly smoking something serious to have even said that. The sad part is this statement is the norm from people. When exactly do single mothers get the chance to be a mom? To have time away from the kid for months at a time, to find themselves, go to school, heal from past relationships, take the time to stack their money, go out with friends or any of the things we WISH we could do. We don’t. That’s just the point.
As women the day we find out we’re pregnant we’re doing everything we can to make sure our baby has what they need, has a stable environment to live in, has a roof over their head all that. We can’t just take a few months or the whole nine and say okay baby mommy will be back when it’s time for you to come. We gotta grind every single day just to make sure we don’t fall short when it comes to taking care of our kids. Even if we’re sick or our children are sick the show doesn’t stop, but the money we need to take care of home definitely does.
Along with doing this alone comes depression, PPD, anger, burn out, always being tired and feeling like there are days you don’t have any energy to give your kid because you’ve given it to everything else. The most common thing women face out of all those or as I like to call it the package wrapped up in one is Post-Partum Depression. Which no one tells you doesn’t just last 6 months to a year after the baby is born. If not treated and sometimes even if treated can last for God knows how long. Being sad, not having interest in anything, not even having interest in your child, not wanting to be touched, always feeling like you’re gonna have a mental break down. All that alone can cause a woman to grow impatient and just wanna throw in the towel. But then she looks down at that beautiful smile and knows giving up or walking away isn’t an option no matter how bad she wants to.
Does all this excuse how a child could possibly be treated? Absolutely not, not one bit. Does it suck that it takes a woman to commit suicide or end up hospitalized because she can’t handle all that’s being thrown at her because the father figured leaving would be a better option? Yeah it does. As a mom myself it’s days I yell at my son, my patience is thin, I’ll cry and breakdown in front of him because it just feels like too fucking much for one person to handle. But don’t let anyone hear that because then they feel that’s an invitation to say “well honey this is what you signed up for”. Yes, I very much understand at one point I had to put on my big girl panties and grind my ass off to make sure my kid was good. But, prior to, having to realize that no me being a single mom is not what the fuck I signed up for. Who the hell just says hey! You got a sign-up sheet for women who wanna raise a kid alone? Nobody in their right mind will ever say any shit like that at all.
It doesn’t help that so MANY women are silent about things like this. So, when the next generation has children and have to face the sad reality, they will be doing it alone, a lot of the things they deal with seem un-normal or taboo because nobody ever wants to open their mouth and say shit. People just post on Facebook pictures of them smiling, being happy all the time, or when the baby is happy. Like we get it, you don’t wanna seem like the negative Nancy complaining on Facebook about how hard it is being a single mom but, at least be fucking honest with yourself and those around you. Don’t try and live this sugar-coated lifestyle for the sake of looking like you have it together. That alone makes people think even more you’re doing fine and have it altogether. Then when it all boils down and you GENUINELY need help people are in such shock, they can’t believe mommy can’t make a way.
Like fuck man what ever happened to it takes a village to raise a baby? Now nobody wants to help. No one wants to give the mom a break. Don’t get me wrong no one is entitled to help you, but it’s nice when someone is willing to. It doesn’t even have to always be help, it can be a listening ear to vent, having someone run errands with you just so you have an actual adult to help you, or a shoulder to cry on when you feel like everything is coming crashing down.
Nowadays these “villages” just want to come visit every blue moon, take pictures and videos with your baby on social media to make it seem like they’re involved, come over your house to hold baby, or criticize what you do as a parent or how you choose to raise your child. Nobody wants to step in anymore, it’s just the simple you help me and maybe just maybe I’ll help you. Like what the fuck ever happened to just let me help you without expecting any favors in return? This alone is why single moms won’t and don’t like asking for help because, there is always that well what can you give me person in the crowd of “support”.
So, with all this being said, do mothers like the fact there are days they gotta short their kids? No. Do they like when shit becomes too much and they can exhibit toxic behavior? Not one bit. But, one thing we do need to do as brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, friends whatever role you play in a man’s life, is open up your fucking mouth and let a mf know when they are falling short and need to step their game up and take care of their child. It’s too many people caping for these men and act like they’re too afraid to say anything to them. Or better yet when they want to justify and pacify them when it comes time to be a father. Like no if I as a mother didn’t and don’t have the time to get myself together the man should not be given that luxury. Why? Because when they do choose to be a part of the kids’ life, the kid will see dad as the one they wanna be around, the one who can be a little less aggressive, the one who’s more fun to be around. Well of course daddy had the chance to grow, to heal, to have his fun. Not to say taking time for growth isn’t a good thing, but it still isn’t fair to the mom who is burnt out because she was forced to raise a kid that she didn’t make on her own…..
So, I’ve been discussing this with a lot of women and it seems to be a very common problem. More common than it should be actually. Foreplay. Why do some people just completely say fuck it and try to dive into some shit? Like for real, if you knew you were MAD hungry and wanted some pizza would you just throw it in the cold oven without at least letting the oven heat up???? No? You sure? Aw okay. It’s the same concept with women.
It’s not always a given when there is sexual tension that a woman will be hot n ready like a Little Caesar’s pizza. Some times if you’re lucky she will want the dick just as bad as you. Other times she wants to feel some type of love from you. Kiss her neck, suck on her breast, finger her, give her some head, or even massage her.
Men have this habit of already wanting a woman wet when they have sex and will shame her if she isn’t. Or if you try and kiss her for a few seconds then stick it in and it may be a little bit wet, but then too many thoughts are going through her head so she can’t even fully relax the way she wants to. Then you’re getting mad or upset because she dries up in the middle of sex and when she asks for assistance, if that happens at all, you make her feel like shit because of it. Like look just let go of your ego and take the time to truly love on her and appreciate her. Women like to feel like you wanna take the time to enjoy them and enjoy the moment you’re sharing. Whether it be fucking or making love. Or even if it’s a one night stand. The way our brains are wired we need some type of physical contact in order for us to be relaxed enough to get wet.
Then the crazy part is foreplay doesn’t even have to be sexual contact, it can be cuddling, making her dinner, ordering some takeout and watching movies, running her a bath, running errands for her, or even talking over a glass of wine. Those small things will make a woman want to fuck the shit out of you no lie. But all those things alone can make a woman feel genuinely appreciated and thought of. They will help to relax her knowing someone cares enough to take the time out their day to do something like that.
When a woman’s spirit feels the love she is being given she will aid in her juices flowing like water. Sometimes there are even some women that love to please their man and that alone can get them wet. Me personally giving a man head helps me. Don’t get me wrong I love to be held tight, neck kisses, receive head, all that. But I genuinely love it. It’s weird because it’s almost relaxing in a way. Some women out there may feel the same way some may say “you know what I may just have to try that”. Speaking of trying, one thing that is amazing foreplay, if you’re into it is watching porn. Seeing another couple fuck each other can really help, it’s almost like a virtual swingers’ club if you think about it the only difference is not having to leave home.
With watching porn, you have the possibility to find new ways to have sex, take notes from the porn or role play and use that as a form of foreplay, even find new ways to please your man or woman by oral sex will be a huge help.
Then speaking of oral sex if you wanna include food into foreplay having some whipped cream and strawberries, feeding them to one another can be a big thing, or taking the whipped cream and putting it on each other and licking off one another’s bodies. Another that’s a huge favorite of mine is the fire and ice head. You take a peppermint and put it in your mouth suck on it for a little bit then put some ice in your mouth as well and slowly massage the head of your man’s penis with your tongue slowly going up and down. As the ice starts to melt let it drip down the shaft and as you’re coming down twirl the peppermint around it. Using this combo of the ice/peppermint will create a hot and cold feeling. The coldness from the ice will enhance the peppermint, as the warmth from your mouth melts the ice. So, he’s constantly feeling the hot and cold, it will be a sure thing to make him have an orgasm. Maybe while doing this so you both will be ready for each other at the same time, he can finger you while massaging your clit, or if you’re into it have him stick a thumb in your ass while fingering you. Just be mindful though between you sucking his dick and him fingering you, one of you may be bound to have an orgasm before the other and that’s perfectly fine.
As long as you know in the midst of this foreplay both people’s main concern was making sure the other was in the mood or relaxed that’s all that truly matters.
Lastly, taking a shower together. This is probably one of my favorite forms of intimacy because, it’s so many different senses being stimulated all at one time. The touch from the other person grazing across your body, letting the hot steamy water fill the bathroom as it hits your skin, the sweet taste of your partners lips, the aroma of the soap filling the shower. So many things that make a huge impact on what’s about to take place once you get out the shower. Even better there is no self-conscious feeling on if you smell good or if you may or may not have a scent since you both showered together.
Now keep in consideration all this doesn’t have to be done at one time but, it’s a good start for both the man and the woman. Just always be mindful and remember to take the time out to really love your partner and just truly admire them whether it be sexual or an act of service. These small things can go a very long way……
Recently I was sent an article by a fellow massage therapist called “Conscious Cock”. At first I was like well that’s an eye grabbing title, then it pulled me in to read it.
I read different blogs every now and again to support and also see different perspectives on topics or ones I’ve written.
But this. This right here. Hit the nail on the head.
You see too often women are asked “Did you come”?
As a woman we all know that line can send us over the edge, or for some we’ll simply say yes to stroke or avoid hurting the mans ego.
How often do we take control of our orgasm? How often do we speak up and say “No I didn’t, but if you’re up for round two we can keep going”????
Too often we are so fixated with making sure everyone else is happy that we put our orgasm second.
A friend of mines was telling me how this guy she had met did something no other man has. He took the time to love and admire her body, he licked and sucked every inch of her, her stroked her spirit and made goosebumps rise from her skin. He took the time out to study her.
Watching her body with every move he makes, paying attention to the way her spirit communicates with him about what she does and doesn’t like.
Remaining open to changes and things that will allow her to release her sexual energy.
Viewing her as a work of art and allowing each waking moment as a time to depict what was in front of him.
Caressing every inch of her melanin skin while making sure no inch of her goes left untouched.
Now take all this in and imagine if your orgasm was made this much of a priority.
If a man asked you instead of, did you come? He asked, how many times would you like to come?
Or instead pleased you without question and gave you back to back orgasms until your body couldn’t handle it anymore.
I don’t think too many people understand the power a woman holds when she’s given the sex her spirit craves.
Giving a woman sex that makes her feel empowered will invoke sides of her you never thought could be seen with the human eye.
So next time, view your woman as a work of art. Take your time. Make her orgasm a priority every time. Then watch how the way that woman loves you changes.
You know when you’re around someone that’s in a bad mood and you can just feel every ounce of their anger, sadness, or just that they seem off? It’s literally no different when you have sex with someone. See there’s nothing wrong with having multiple sex partners, male or female. If that’s how you choose to explore your sexuality hey do what makes you happy. But, always make sure you’re doing what you need to, to protect your sexual energy.
Most people aren’t aware of their chakras, or these focal points of energy located in the body. The seven chakras from top to bottom are your, Root, Sacral, Solar Plexus, Heart, Throat, Third Eye, and your Crown Chakra. Your Sacral Chakra which is responsible for your sexual energy is located a few inches below your belly button. This area can also be known as your womb as well. When we have sex with people who carry negative energy, trauma from childhood sexual abuse, rape, having sex with other women who carry trauma, miscarriages, the whole nine yards. We are opening ourselves up to receiving that energy good or bad.
That’s why for some when you’re done having sex it can feel good for that moment because you’ve just released a shit ton of your own energy. But days later or maybe even a few hours you can feel sick, nauseous, moody, or just not yourself. All this can come from taking on someone else’s energy without taking the necessary precautions to protect your own.
Most people will think wearing condoms is enough to protect you from that but, if condoms aren’t even 100% fool proof from preventing diseases or pregnancies. It damn sure ain’t nothing but an invisible cloak when it comes to blocking out energy that you don’t want to receive.
Some ways that you can protect your energy is infusing various herbs into your oil of preference and rubbing it on your yoni, or rubbing it on your womb prior to sex and setting your intention stating that no energies that aren’t your own aren’t welcome here. Another way is to keep protective crystals on you whether it be necklaces, rings, any type of jewelry that you can wear and won’t interfere while you’re having sex. Some amazing protective crystals which are my personal favorites are Black Tourmaline which is the damn Debo of crystals and works amazing at blocking out negative energy, Clear Quartz the universal crystal that you can pretty much speak any intention that you want and the crystal will do the rest of the work. Last but not least another amazing one that has been recommended to me is Smoky Quartz. Someone has told me this crystal is great for absorbing negative energy so even wearing it as a necklace or waist beads will help to protect you more than anything.
As for ways to take care of the energy if you’ve taken it in, yoni eggs are one of my most favorite ways when it comes to releasing energy that isn’t my own. Sometimes it may depend on the type of yoni egg that you choose. Most people in terms of releasing energy like to pick them based on the properties that it has to offer. Some really good eggs that are good for healing sexual energy as well as protecting your energy are as stated prior Clear Quartz, Obsidian is very comparable to black tourmaline, and Rose Quartz which may be the most popular one of choice for a lot of women. The crystal is exactly in the shape of an egg, when you get it it’s best to smudge it or whatever ways works best for you to cleanse it. Some people like to place it under water, salt, a full moon, or even placing it under ground. Once you’ve allowed your crystal time to cleanse you can insert it. When you insert it, the best way to do so is in a squatting position or in this position in the shower. After you want to make sure you insert the egg with the wide side in first then once you feel it’s all the way in stand up slowly and use the muscles that help when you have to go pee and it’ll pull the egg up.
The first time you may feel a bit of the weight from the egg, but over time you want to use the muscles in your pelvic floor to help keep the egg from falling out. The more that you use the egg over time the stronger your muscles will become. There will be times if you’re using it to release energy that as it’s doing so you may notice the wetness in your yoni increasing. Some women say It’s their bodies way of releasing the negative energy that is in their womb. Others say it can be due to the properties of their egg increasing the wetness since it does help with vaginal dryness as well.
Lastly, the most trending right now is YONI STEAMING. This consist of a blend of herbs formulated specifically for you or all over health. You can either make them yourself or you can purchase them from someone. Steaming has been said to be very affective for women in terms of helping to release negative energy due to sexual partners, womb issues, or trauma to their womb. With the steam you want to boil 4-8 quarts of water then place the herbs in. Let them steep for about 5-10 minutes then cool so you don’t burn yourself. Once it’s cooled you can place the herbal steam into a steel bowl and sit it in the toilet (make sure it’s clean) or you can purchase a yoni steaming seat online. You’ll sit for about 30-45 minutes or until the steam is completely cool. While doing so you can drink some tea or water to help your body flush as you’re steaming, meditate, browse Facebook, or read a book. You wanna make sure while steaming you have a blanket wrapped around you to avoid any of the steam escaping.
Now for some even with doing all this it’s not always a 100% guaranteed that all this will be effective. Only because of the fact, you’re not meant to share your sexual energy with everyone. Some people will purposely have sex with you for your energy and how it makes them feel. Others will use your yoni as an emotional dumping grounds and label it as stress relief. Same for men there are some women that just view you as a body and nothing more. Now if you’re cool with that hey, once again, DO YOU. But also realize there are things that can come from letting someone dump their emotional baggage on you……
Below I will list links to place you can order your waist beads as well as yoni steams! Remember protect your space and energy at all cost 🙂
I came walking into the house and there she was lying there with nothing but a t-shirt on. No bra, panties, nothing but my t-shirt. I couldn’t help but admire the way it just fell on her curves as she looked up at me with those fuck me eyes. I stood there undressing her in my mind while wondering how she was gonna like the surprise I had for her. I take my clothes off and hop in the shower, as the waters running on my face I hear the door open but call out to ask who’s at the door…no response. Next thing I know I see the steam falling from the shower. I turn around and there she is with the most beautiful chocolate skin hair pulled up like she just waiting to get fucked. She steps in and tell me to turn back around. As I turn she whispers in my ear for me to close eyes…I feel her hands going down the ridges of my stomach as she lightly runs her nails over my waist…my dick jumps a little just off her touch. Chuckling she says “I see he’s ready for me”. As I stand there with my eyes still closed I start to feel her tongue slowly caressing the head of my dick, almost as if she’s tongue kissing it. I start to let out a moan under my breath she takes it all in little by little then sticks it down her throat and pulls it back out. As she starts slurping I try to reach for the door but she pushes it away, she instructs me to fuck her face and I do so with no hesitation. I grab her by her hair and start deep throating, fuck I love the way she sucks my dick. She looks up at me and smiles and shoved it back down with no warning and starts moaning. I can’t take this shit, I stand her up and tell her to bend over. As she bends over I see something dripping down her leg and she looks back and says “daddy I got a treat for you”…I smack her ass and it bounces right back. As I spread her open, her juices just dripping out looking like she been waiting for me. I kneel down and run my tongue across her clit then back up to suck up her juices….she starts moaning begging me to stop teasing her…..as I go back down I can see that pussy throbbing and juicy. I suck all her juices up like it was my last meal and begin dancing circles around her clit with my tongue, she’s begging me not to stop moving her hips back and forth as my tongue goes in and out her hole. As I’m sucking on her clit I stick my thumb in her ass and she loses it. I start sucking harder as I take my thumb in and out I feel her legs begin to shake I stand up and start fucking her. Shit this pussy feels so damn good, I shout as I’m smacking her ass. Her moans grew louder and louder as she tells me “babe I’m getting ready to cum but I wanna swallow em”. Shit that alone had me on brick, so I start going crazy fucking her so hard shee starts running, right when I pull her ass back I feel it building up, I turn her around real quick and she opens up her mouth sucking every last drop deep throating as I’m coming my legs start to give out and she keeps sucking. I damn near fell out the shower shit was so damn good…as we both step out I hear a knock on the door, she looks back at me and walks over to open it and low and behold her surprise was waiting at the door…….
Brujas, Blunts, and Everything Inbetween 